Monday, May 17, 2021

Care and Feeding of Your Buffalo/Butterfly

 We are in the family series.  Much helpful material!

On one hand, marital problems ARE common (hence many jokes about marriage)
However, a recent survey commissioned by E-Harmony shows:

64% - "very happy in my current romantic relationship
19% - "not happy but willing to remain in the relationship
only 6% - desperately unhappy

So,,, on one hand, not as bad as we might think (esp. portrayal on TV)
However, is some dissatisfaction in every marriage!

Some (much) of that dissatisfaction is the result of the marriage of a 'Buffalo and a Butterfly'.  ie:  nothing more than the differences between male and female.

Biblical passage - Eph. 5:22-33

According to Paul "men ...... love"   "women ..... respect"

Question:  is there really that much difference?  in Love and Respect? 
On one hand, "Yes"
However, not easy to define, describe, distinguish

Whether or not we can define and describe the difference in Love and Respect, the question boils down to this:

What does your spouse desire from you ... that is a legitimate, God-given need .... that you are capable of meeting, providing...?  (at least to some degree)

Prov. 3:27-28 - if this is true of neighbor, how much more of spouse?

Compare principle addressed in:  Rom. 13:7, Rom. 14:19, 1 John 3:16-19
(again, if true of neighbor, ....?)

Scenario =
(1)  Disappointments (which recur and accumulate)
(2)  Dissatisfaction (hunger)
(3) feelings of deprivation  (feeling starved!)
leads to
(4)  suspicions  (ie he/she knows my need and refuses to meet it)
leads to
(5)  withdrawal or lash out
leads to;
(6) more hurt, dissatisfaction, withdrawal, and therefore less likely to meet known legitimate needs.

I.  The need is more than to Be loved, be respected ...
the need = to FEEL loved, respected!

hence, we need to learn to communicate in a way that satisfies that need.

II.  This 'need' is legitimate, God-given!

III.  The need doesn't have to be met for the marriage to Survive ... but to thrive!!  

MEN many places your wife can experience love, but 'marital love' can come only from you!!

WOMEN:  your man can find respect in many places but the respect he longs for most comes only from you!

Providing Love and Respect = a marital responsibility!  Eph. 5:33 = a command

to refuse to provide this is disobedience.... - 1 Tim. 5:8

to refuse to provide this is foolish!  - Prov. 14:1 - touchstone Vs. #1

                                                     John 13:17 - touchstone Vs. #2

 Closing Scripture:  Prov. 24:3-4


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