Marriage is so important! Strong marriages build strong families. Strong families build strong churches. Strong churches build strong communities. Strong communities build strong countries. Single people should be praying for their future spouses and marriages to be great.
I. Marriage is meant to be a gift!
A study done by the Institute for Family Studies at the Univ. of Chicago called the General Social Survey in 2022. It found that men and women who have a spouse and children report that they are very happy with their lives. Married adults scored 31% higher on standardized happiness scales than unmarried adults.
Genesis 2: 18-25 (ESV) "Then the LORD God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.' Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, 'This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed."
Out of all the things God created He knew that He need to create something special for Adam. So God created Eve out of Adam. Nothing in all creation is as wonderful as the marriage bond. There is a closeness that is not found in any other relationship. Eve was created to be a "helper" the word used is similar to the word to describe the Holy Spirit. Eve empowers Adam to do the work that God has called him to do. We as a church can't do the things that God has called us to do without the help of the Holy Spirit.
II. God Loves Marriage
How do we know? Because God ordained marriage He created the first one. The picture that God shows for the relationship of Christ with the church is a marriage relationship.
Ephesians 5:22-33 (ESV) "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
This scripture paints a picture of self sacrifice, sacrificial love and unending commitment. When God created everything it was perfect and good and then sin entered the world and messed everything up. Now we struggle with things. The design was perfect. Marriage is meant to be a testimony. A good marriage is a testament to the goodness of God and who He is. A good Christian marriage is a good evangelism tool. When people see genuine love they want to be apart of it and be around it. Marriage is not outdated.
John 13:34-35 (ESV) "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples; if you have love for one another."
This verse is talking about Christians in general but it should be applied in our marriages.
III. The Enemy Will Attack Your Marriage
Things that God has made and made good Satan loves to try to destroy. A law firm in California did a meta data analysis on things that destroy marriages. The list includes things that the Bible teaches us not to do like; alcohol abuse, drug use, promiscuity before marriage, cohabitation before marriage, and infidelity. These all raise the chances of divorce. Christian faith significantly effects your chances of divorce too. Christian faith have a lower divorce rate. Knowing Jesus, loving Jesus, growing in Jesus, growing together will benefit you marriage. You will be tempted to sin because you are a human being. Sin corrupts our mind and hurts our relationship with God and our other relationships including our marriages.
IV. You will be tempted to sin, cover it up, and continue in it.
Sin will slowly drive a wedge between you and God and your spouse.
James 4:1-2 (ESV) "What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask."
V. Confess & Repent
James 5:16a (ESV) "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed..."
This is talking to the church generally, but can also apply to our marriages.
VI. Forgive each other
Ephesians 4:32 (ESV) "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
Nothing will separate a couple faster than not forgiving one another. Holding on to stuff from the past can be detrimental. It will take time and it will take God and the Holy Spirit coming along side of you to help you. Lean on one another and assure each other.
VI. Set up Guardrails.
1 Corinthians 10:13 (ESV) "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."
There is a way out if you are tempted! A good way to avoid sin is to stay away from it all together. Stay away from temptations. If something is causing you problems, get it out of your life.
VII. Homework
The man takes care of the woman and her needs. The woman cares for the man and his needs. Back and forth building one another up. You out do one another honoring one another and loving one another. Then sin messes everything up and someone gets hurt and then decides not to build the other up and not meet the needs of the other. It is hard to love someone who is not loving you back. It is hard to meet someone else's needs when no one is meeting yours. At some point you will fall into a spiral of despair and what was meant to be a "Cycle of Love" turns into a spiral of despair.
5 Expectations for men and women (These are typical and may not be your expectations)
Women:
5. Family commitment. The woman wants the husband to spend time with the family.
4. Financial support.
3. Honesty and openness
2. Intimate conversation...talk with one another
1. Affection (touch, gifts, words, gestures)
Men
5. Admiration (appreciated, respected, supported)
4. Domestic support (well managed/supportive home) A place where they can come home and relax and not feel like they are fighting a battle.
3. Attractive for them.
2. Recreational companionship. Have fun together. Find something that you can do together.
1. ;)
Go home and spend sometime with one another and make a list of expectations for you spouse and for yourself. Be kind to one another. Your marriage matters, take time to work on your marriage together. What touches your heart is not the same thing that touches your spouses heart. Talk to one another and PRAY together!