Dealing with Personal Baggage

 When counseling, a distinction must be made between marital issues and personal issues.

Marital issues are problems caused by becoming married. This might include finances, discipline of children. Issues that did not exist before marriage.

Personal issues are problems that are emotional issues that a person has before marriage. Problems not caused by the marriage union. These problems are brought into the marriage.

Emotional baggage might be...anger/violence, stubbornness, fear, suspicion, unwarranted jealousy, domineering,  insecurities, chauvinism, skepticism, fear of bonding, fear of intimacy. These are often hidden/ masked during courting, but surface in intimacy of marriage.

Descriptive Terms to help define...

1. Baggage- because it is brought into and unpacked in marriage.

2. Personal- because it belongs to you, not your spouse!

3. Emotional- because these are deep seated feelings. These feelings may be untrue. (anorexia/ inferiority complex/persecution complex) Feelings tend to be LOGIC RESISTANT.

4. Unresolved- because they are not dealt with/not cleared up before marriage.

5. Problem- because it is a problem. It hinders personal development. It damages marital relationships. It negatively affects your kids.

Origins may be...

1. Inherited DNA stubborn/depression/anxiety

2. Learned example- Kids passed around in foster care

3. Absorbed kids grow up believing that their parents are right, some are wrong.

4. Combination of the above.

Whatever the cause, the outcome is unhealthy feelings and leads to improper actions and relational turmoil.

All marriages experience tension. Why tolerate unnecessary tension?

Observations 

1. We all have emotional baggage 

Romans 3:23 (ESV) "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,"

We are sinners who are raised by sinners and we live in a sinful world.

2. Emotional baggage comes in all sizes. 

You might have a little handbag of baggage or a steamer trunk. But even small baggage can do damage. 

Illustration: Tornados average $10 billion dollars of damage in the US yearly. Termites average $30 billion dollars of damage per year. $5 billion dollars is spent each year on termite control. The problem with termites is that they are not visible. It is quiet damage being done. A lot of baggage is the same way, quiet and tearing down the home. 

3. The emotional health of a marriage cannot exceed the emotional health of the people in the marriage. 

"A __________ marriage is made up of _______________ people." 

A healthy marriage is made up of healthy people.

An unhealthy marriage is made up of unhealthy people.

4. The emotional health of 1 partner cannot (fully) compensate for the emotional baggage of the other. 

Marital math: Emotional health of one is 7, the partner is an emotional health of 3...they don't make a 10, they are a 4! It is not addition it is subtraction. The emotional health of your partner can drag you down.

5. Emotional issues in 1 partner tend to create emotional in the other partner. 

If one partner is an abusive alcoholic it can drag the partner down.

6. Emotional issues in the parents tend to create emotional issues in the children.

Who is most likely to be physically abusive in a marriage? One that came from a physically abusive home. Who is more likely to be sexually abusive? One that came from a sexually abusive home. This is where we get "chains of baggage" 

Your emotional health affects 

1. Your personal development

2. Your relationship with others

3. Your influence/impact on others, especially your kids. 

Sin is any attitude, behavior or response outside of or contrary to God's will for you.

The sin is not having emotional baggage, the sin is refusing to recognize and deal with it. 

Unbiblical Response

1. Denial of the problem. Refuse to accept, refuse to recognize the problem.

2. Indifference of the problem.

3. Down playing the issue

4. Stonewalling (I shall not be moved)

5. Blame transfer (Not my fault)

6. Defeatism (I can't help it or I can't fix it.)

Biblical Response  

1. Examine self- in light of God's word.

James 1:23-25 (ESV) "For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who act, he will be blessed in his doing."

Hebrews 4:12 (ESV) "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart."

2. Admit to yourself

1 John 1:8-10 (ESV) "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us."

3. Repent 

Military term...about face...turn and go the opposite way.

4. Correct your behavior

2 Timothy 3: 16-17 (ESV) "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work."

5. Repeat because this is an ingrained lifestyle. If you need help, get some help.

Question  for you...John 5:2-6 (ESV) "Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, in Aramaic called Bethesda, which has five roofed colonnades. In these lay a multitude of invalids-blind, lame, and paralyzed. One man was there who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, 'Do you want to be healed?'"

Do you want to get well? A lot of people don't want to get well. They think that they are always right? 

Question... Who is the boss of your life? 

In your heart is a throne. 

1. I am the captain of my own ship. Right now you are on the throne of your heart and Christ is on the outside of your heart and life. You have never accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior.

2. You have asked Jesus into your heart and you have been saved, but you put Jesus at the foot of the throne. He is not the boss, he is just their for salvation and eternal life.

3. Jesus is on the throne and you are at the foot of the throne. This is the way it is supposed to be.

Who is the boss of your life, who is the boss of your marriage, who t is the boss of your parenting skills. The way it is supposed to be. You respond to Christ, not your own logic, not your own feelings, not you raising, not to what your parents taught you unless they taught you according to God's word. 

Touchstone verse: Proverbs 14:1 (NIV) "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down."

We have a choice to building our home, building our family, building the legacy up....or tearing it down. These issues that we have been talking about make a difference. It does not mean that you are a terrible person if you have baggage, but you will be a better person if you deal with it.

Closing Scripture

Romans 6:11-14 (ESV) "So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you, since you are not under law but under grace."

 

On Mission Together! Day Camp Commission!

 Is Day Camp worth it? How do you measure success of Day Camp? We will be ministering to hopefully over 100 kids a day. We have a great opportunity in front of us this week. Day Camp can change a child's life.

Children's Ministry and VBS Statistics

Child Evangelism Fellowship study: 63% of all believers profess between the ages of 4-14. Other studies say 83% of believers are saved before the age of 18. In 2020 Awana partnered with Barna group to look at the resiliency of youth in church post-graduation. They discovered that when kids have a meaningful relationship with an adult in the church, they are twice as likely to have an ongoing relationship with the church. They are 3 times more likely to be engaged in Scripture including understanding the metanarrative of scripture and integrating biblical principles in their life. They are twice as likely to say church matters to them, 3 times as likely to see church as a highlight, and 3 times as likely to read the Bible on their own. The conclusion drawn by the Barna Group? "The meaningful relationships individuals have as children fundamentally influences the stability of their future faith."

Barna study: 60% of all American adults attended VBS69

Lifeway study: 50% of all VBS attendees do not regularly attend church (they are unchurched kids). 69% of parents say they would encourage their child to attend VBS at a church they don't attend if a friend invited them. Most American adults who attended VBS as children say they have positive memories of VBS and that it helped them understand the Bible better and positively influenced their spiritual growth.

Biblical Recorder study: Over 95% of parents whose children attend VBS view the program positively, stating it aids in their child's spiritual growth and understanding of the Bible. 25% of all SBC baptisms result of VBS.

Stats about children who serve with parents are more likely to stay engaged with the church.

1. If you invite them. They will come. 

Luke 14:21-23 (ESV) "So the servant came and reported these things to his master. Then the master of the house became angry and said to his servant, 'Go out quickly to the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in the poor and crippled and blind and lame.' And the servant said, 'Sir, what you commanded has been done, and still there is room.' And the master said to the servant, 'Go out to the highways and hedges and compel people to come in, that my house may be filled.'" This is the parable of the great banquet and show the heart of God.

John 1:43-51 (ESV) "The next day Jesus decided to go to Galilee. He found Philip and said to him, 'Follow me.' Now Philip was from Bethsaida, the city of Andrew and Peter. Philip found Nathanael and said to him, 'We have found him of whom Moses in the Law and also the prophets wrote, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.' Nathanael said to him, 'Can anything good come out of Nazareth?' Philip said to him, 'Come and see.' Jesus saw Nathanael coming toward him and said of him, 'Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no deceit!' Nathanael said to him, 'How do you know me?' Jesus answered him, 'Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.' Nathanael answered him, 'Rabbi, you are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!' Jesus answered him, 'Because I said to you, 'I saw you under the fig tree, do you believe? You will see greater things than these.' And he said to him, 'Truly, truly, I say to you, you will see heaven opened, and the angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man.'" 

Philip invited Nathanael to meet Jesus. Jesus did the rest.  DL Moody became an evangelist because his Uncle made him go to a Sunday School Class. The teacher, Edward Kimball, went to the shoe store where Moody worked to talk to him about Jesus. "If I could relive my life, I would devote my entire ministry to reaching children for God!" DL Moody.

2. Bring them to Jesus, don't push them away! 

Luke 5:17-26 (ESV) "On one of those days, as he was teaching, Pharisees and teachers of the law were sitting there, who had come from every village of Galilee and Judea and from Jerusalem. And the power of the Lord was with him to heal. And behold, some men were bringing on a bed a man who was paralyzed, and they were seeking to bring him in and lay him before Jesus, but finding no way to bring him in, because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and let him down with his bed through the tiles into the midst before Jesus. And when he saw their faith, he said, 'Man your sins are forgiven you.' And the scribes and the Pharisees began to question, saying, 'Who is this who speaks blasphemies? Who can forgive sins but God alone?' When Jesus perceived their thoughts, he answered them, 'Why do you question in your hearts? Which is easier, to say, Your sins are forgiven you, or to say Rise and walk? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins'-he said to the man who was paralyzed-'I say to you, rise, pick up your bed and go home.' And immediately he rose up before them and picked up what he had been lying on and went home, glorifying God. And amazement seized them all, and they glorified God and were filled with awe, saying, 'We have seen extraordinary things today.'" 

Jesus blessed the faith of the man's friends. We too are blessed for working in Day Camp.

Mark 10:13-16 (ESV) "And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, 'Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.' And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them."

Bring kids to Jesus, don't push them away. We see Jesus get angry only a few times in Scripture, but this time in Mark, Jesus was angry w"ith his own disciples. He made time for the children.

3. A word for the kids 

Proverbs 20:11 (ESV) "Even a child makes himself know by his acts, by whether his conduct is pure and upright. "

1 Timothy 4:12 (ESV) "Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity."

Kids, you will get a reputation this week. It will either be a good reputation or a bad reputation. People will recognize how you talk, how you treat your teachers, how you treat each other. The way you act and the way you live matters and it will reflect back on your parents and your church. If you have accepted Christ....it will reflect back on the Lord. You need to act the best this week. Set an example for everyone else. Day Camp can rise and fall on a few good kids. Don't be foolish.

4. Don't grow weary 

1 Corinthians 15:58 (ESV) "Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain."

Galatians 6:9 (ESV) "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

Day Camp workers don't grow weary. Spend time with the Lord yourself. It is so hard to pour out into others if you are emptied out. You need to be filled back up everyday. God blesses faithful servants.

5. PRAY 

Pray for Day Camp

Pray for your own children/grandchildren

Pray to see the kids the way God does...And pray for that special child. 

Amram and Jochebed: Shaping Children. Shaping a nation

 There is no greater responsibility than being a good husband and father. God has entrusted you with your children. When I die I want my kids to say that I taught them to love the Lord. The greatest mission field that you have is in your home...with your children.

Amram and Jochebed were the parents of Moses, Aaron and Miriam. Moses, Aaron and Miriam shaped a nation.  Moses was the leader who lead Israelites out of Egypt and slavery. He knew God and spoke to God. He gave the law to the people. Moses was an amazing man, but he also sinned and therefore was not allowed to enter the promise land. Aaron was Moses' older brother and Moses' mouthpiece. He was the first high priest. Aaron also sinned (the golden calf) and did not enter the promise land either. Miriam was the oldest child. She waited by the river when they put Moses in the basket and placed it in the river. She convinced Pharaoh's daughter to allow her mother to be a wet nurse for Moses. Miriam was a prophetess. She was jealous of Moses and was stricken with leprosy and Moses had to pray for her to be healed. She too did not enter the promise land.

Don't raise your children to conform to the world, but to change the world.

Hebrews 11:23-29 (ESV) "By faith Moses, when he was born, was hidden for three months by his parents, because they saw that the child was beautiful, and they were not afraid of the king's edict. By faith Moses, when he was grown up refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter, choosing rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward. By faith he left Egypt, not being afraid of the anger of the king, for he endured as seeing him who is invisible. By faith he kept the Passover and sprinkled the blood, so that the Destroyer of the firstborn might not touch them. By faith the people crossed the Red Sea as on dry land, but the Egyptians, when they attempted to do the same, were drowned."

Exodus 6:20 (ESV) "Amram took as his wife Jochebed his father's sister, and she bore him Aaron and Moses, the years of the life of Amram being 137 years."

1. Have Children! (Get married first)

Genesis 1:28 (ESV) "And God blessed them. And God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.'"

Habakkuk 2:14 (ESV) "For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD as the waters cover the sea."

God will accomplish this through evangelism, but also through our own children. Holding your own children for the first time changes you. It is a huge blessing. If you want to change the spiritual make up of this country. Christians need to have kids and raise them to know and love God. Atheist and Secularists are self absorbed and do not have many children, but they can come after yours that is their plan. 

Psalm 127:3-5 (ESV) "Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate."

The enemy hates babies, God loves them...so have them!

2. Your Child is Special 

1 Timothy 5:8 (ESV) "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."

That child that God has blessed you with is your responsibility. You are that child's hope and future. No one can do what you can do for them. God will judge us for how we parent. Your discipline, your words, your teaching and training are important.

Romans 14:12 (ESV) "So then each of us will give an account of himself to God."

3. Submit to God. Not to Pharaoh. 

The general disposition of this country is not to help raise Christian children. We need to make God's word as our standard. 

4. Never underestimate the seeds you sow. 

Everything we do with our children matters. The time that you have with them in your home is so special. Even the time you have with them once they  are grown is special. The seed that you sow in their hearts when they are young is so important. The prayers that you pray for your children are not said in vain. God hears those prayers.

Proverbs 22:6 (ESV) "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."

Jochebed nursed Moses and raised him until he was 2-5 years old. The lessons taught him early remained with him and shaped his life. He identified with his people and not the Egyptians. 

Deuteronomy 6:4-10 "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. And when the LORD your God brings you into the land that he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob to give you-with great and to Jacob, to give you-with great and good cities that you did not build."

When should you be teaching your children about God? EVERY DAY....ALL DAY! We should be looking for opportunities" to bring your children along.

Ephesians 5:16 (ESV) "making the best use of the time, because the days are evil."

Model behavior just as much or more than you preach it. Jesus modeled behavior for his disciples.

"Nothing trains and teaches so powerfully as love. Love attracts it does not coerce. If the aim of parents is to teach their children to love God they must show their love for him by loving each other and loving their children." Elizabeth Elliot

Don't quit when your grow up. They still need to have a good relationship with you. Grandparents don't give up on your grandchildren. You can be a huge influence on their lives and teach them to love the Lord. 

Deuteronomy 4:9 (ESV) "Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children's children"

5. Train them to fly 

Psalm127:3-5 (ESV) "Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate."

Arrows are meant to leave the quiver. Celebrate when your children fly.

The Cycle of Love

 Marriage is so important! Strong marriages build strong families. Strong families build strong churches. Strong churches build strong communities. Strong communities build strong countries. Single people should be praying for their future spouses and marriages to be great.

I. Marriage is meant to be a gift!

A study done by the Institute for Family Studies at the Univ. of Chicago called the General Social Survey in 2022. It found that men and women who have a spouse and children report that they are very happy with their lives. Married adults scored 31% higher on standardized happiness scales than unmarried adults.

Genesis 2: 18-25 (ESV) "Then the LORD God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.' Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, 'This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed."

Out of all the things God created He knew that He need to create something special for Adam. So God created Eve out of Adam. Nothing in all creation is as wonderful as the marriage bond. There is a closeness that is not found in any other relationship. Eve was created to be a "helper" the word used is similar to the word to describe the Holy Spirit. Eve empowers Adam to do the work that God has called him to do. We as a church can't do the things that God has called us to do without the help of the Holy Spirit. 

II. God Loves Marriage 

How do we know? Because God ordained marriage He created the first one. The picture that God shows for the relationship of Christ with the church is a marriage relationship.

Ephesians 5:22-33 (ESV) "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

This scripture paints a picture of self sacrifice, sacrificial love and unending commitment. When God created everything it was perfect and good and then sin entered the world and messed everything up. Now we struggle with things. The design was perfect. Marriage is meant to be a testimony. A good marriage is a testament to the goodness of God and who He is. A good Christian marriage is a good evangelism tool. When people see genuine love they want to be apart of it and be around it. Marriage is not outdated. 

John 13:34-35 (ESV) "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples; if you have love for one another."

This verse is talking about Christians in general but it should be applied in our marriages.

III. The Enemy Will Attack Your Marriage 

Things that God has made and made good Satan loves to try to destroy. A law firm in California did a meta data analysis on things that destroy marriages. The list includes things that the Bible teaches us not to do like; alcohol abuse, drug use, promiscuity before marriage, cohabitation before marriage, and infidelity. These all raise the chances of divorce. Christian faith significantly effects your chances of divorce too. Christian faith have a lower divorce rate. Knowing Jesus, loving Jesus, growing in Jesus, growing together will benefit you marriage. You will be tempted to sin because you are a human being. Sin corrupts our mind and hurts our relationship with God and our other relationships including our marriages.

IV. You will be tempted to sin, cover it up, and continue in it.

Sin will slowly drive a wedge between you and God and your spouse.

James 4:1-2 (ESV) "What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask."

V. Confess & Repent 

James 5:16a (ESV) "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed..."

This is talking to the church generally, but can also apply to our marriages.

VI. Forgive each other

Ephesians 4:32 (ESV) "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

Nothing will separate a couple faster than not forgiving one another. Holding on to stuff from the past can be detrimental. It will take time and it will take God and the Holy Spirit coming along side of you to help you. Lean on one another and assure each other. 

VI. Set up Guardrails. 

1 Corinthians 10:13 (ESV) "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."

There is a way out if you are tempted! A good way to avoid sin is to stay away from it all together. Stay away from temptations. If something is causing you problems, get it out of your life.

VII. Homework 

The man takes care of the woman and her needs. The woman cares for the man and his needs. Back and forth building one another up. You out do one another honoring one another and loving one another. Then sin messes everything up and someone gets hurt and then decides not to build the other up and not meet the needs of the other. It is hard to love someone who is not loving you back. It is hard to meet someone else's needs when no one is meeting yours. At some point you will fall into a spiral of despair and what was meant to be a "Cycle of Love" turns into a spiral of despair.

5 Expectations for men and women (These are typical and may not be your expectations)

Women:

5. Family commitment. The woman wants the husband to spend time with the family.

4. Financial support. 

3. Honesty and openness

2. Intimate conversation...talk with one another

1. Affection (touch, gifts, words, gestures)

Men 

5. Admiration (appreciated, respected, supported)

4. Domestic support (well managed/supportive home) A place where they can come home and relax and not feel like they are fighting a battle.

3. Attractive for them. 

2. Recreational companionship. Have fun together. Find something that you can do together.

1. ;)

Go home and spend sometime with one another and make a list of expectations for you spouse and for yourself. Be kind to one another. Your marriage matters, take time to work on your marriage together. What touches your heart is not the same thing that touches your spouses heart. Talk to one another and PRAY together!

Buffaloes and Butterflies

 Buffaloes and Butterflies the 37th addition.... This topic began at a Mother's Day meal at the old Octavia School. The men at the event were outside while the women were in cooking the meal, serving the meal and cleaning up the meal...for MOTHER'S DAY! This is how it began, the next morning the sermon "Why your husband is such a clod" was delivered. The next week the sermon "Why your wife is such a nag" was heard. Out of that became the Marriage and Family Series. This series addresses normal everyday marital issues. 

I. Why your husband is such a clod 

    1. He's human 

Romans 3:23 (ESV) "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,"

Your husband is a seriously flawed individual....we all are!

    2. He's a MALE human

Genesis 1:27 (ESV) "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."

Every cell in the female human body is DIFFERENT from every cell in the male body. In the normal human body there are about 100 trillion body cells/171 billion brain cells. Every cell is different from the other sex. So he acts different, he thinks differently and communicates differently.

     3. He's ignorant 

He has no training or guidance about marriage. Where do you get marriage training? If you are ignorant about something and do not try to train yourself, that is stupid.

      4. He's forgetful 

Butterfly language, behavior, thinking and logic do not come natural to a Buffalo. He doesn't think like you ladies. 

       5. He's confused  

Butterfly logic does not make sense to him. Sometimes he knows what he has done wrong and sometimes he does not have a clue. Sometimes he hasn't done anything wrong he you are just having a bad day.

II. Why your wife is such a nag! 

Proverbs 27:15-16 (ESV) "A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one's right hand."

Proverbs 21: 19 (ESV) "It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman."

      1. She's human

Romans 3:23 (ESV) "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,"

She is a seriously flawed individual.

      2. She's a female human 

Same as above....

       3. She's ignorant

The difference here is that she is more likely to seek advice/counsel. Who teaches basic marital differences of men and women outside of Christian sources. 

      4. She's forgetful 

She may learn the basic care of a Buffalo, but it doesn't come natural. She may learn a lot and apply it.

      5. She's confused 

Buffalo thinking will never mak 

e sense to her. 

      6. Both are hurt! 

Buffaloes are notorious for hurting a Butterflies feelings, but nobody can hurt your buffalo like you can. Small wounds can heal, but hurts tend to accumulate especially if they are not dealt with. 

III. Solutions 

There is no complete list of solutions.

      1. Problem... humaness 

Humanity is not going away so the remedy is accepting Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit comes to live inside of you. When you accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior then your outlook changes, your attitude changes, your direction changes, your logic changes. If both people in the relationship have committed to Jesus Christ they are going to do well. When you accept Christ you get a new heart, a new mind, a new outlook, new rules...God's rules! Not the rules that your parents made up and handed down to you. It is not the rules that your friends made up...they are God's rules and He knows what He is talking about. He is the one who created marriage! When you get His rules down it is going to make a big difference. You also will have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. He convicts you...He convinces you where you are wrong or right.

     2. Problem...Male/female differences 

What is the answer to this problem? Accept it...it is never going away. God designed us to be different. The problem did not exist in Eden until sin entered the picture. The problem is not in the differences, the problem is the sinful selfish behavior that we all have. The differences are part of God's design. There is nothing wrong with that. It is a perfect design.

     3. Problem....ignorance 

The solution is education...not formal education. An education based on scripture.

1 Peter 3:7a (ESV) "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman..."

Accept that you are ignorant an d educate yourself... you cannot feed a buffalo butterfly food and you can not give a butterfly buffalo food. You have to recognize that you may have the same truth, but not expressing the same way.

      4. Problem....forgetfulness 

Answer...revisit and remind. This is why we continue this series. To remind ourselves that there are differences.

     5. Problem....confused 

There is no remedy for this. You just have to live with it. The differences are what the attraction is. Education and revisiting helps a lot with the confusion.

     6. Problem....accumulated hurts 

       a. Recognize your failures/shortcomings. We don't fix what isn't broke.

       b. Admit it...confess to yourself, to God and to your spouse. 

       c. Apologize...even if you are not sure why the action hurt. There is a tremendous healing power in a sincere apology.

        d, Forgive...let it go. Don't hold on to it! Failure to forgive hurts you, your spouse and your marriage relationship, it hurts your kids. If you want your kids to grow up in a healthy marital relationship then you have to model a healthy marital relationship. If you fail to forgive then kids think that is the way it ought to be. Kids tend to follow their parents behavior in the beginning of their relationships.

        e. Recommit...to your spouse, your marriage, to God's rules. There is only one person that you can fix in a relationship and that is you. You cannot fix your spouse.

        f. Be Reasonable...give up the notion of a perfect marriage.

        g. Work at it....for yourself, for your spouse, for your kids, for the community, for the sake of the Gospel! The world needs example of proper Christian marriage. It is hard work, but well worth the effort.

The touchstone verse for the Family Series is 

Proverbs 14:1 (ESV) "The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down."

This can be said about both men and women. Are we going to be wise men and women and build up our marriages or tear them down. 

Closing Scripture: Psalm 25:4-5 (ESV) "Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long."

Lessons from Elijah: Faith, Compassion, Hope

 There is a lot that we can take from the life and ministry of Elijah.

Background: We are past the time of the Judges and we are to the time of the Kings. We are about 60 years past when the kingdom was divided. After Solomon reigned the kingdom was divided north and south. The 10 northern tribes which were called Israel and the 2 southern tribes Benjamin and Judah, which were then called Judah. Judah had a few good kings and a few bad kings, but in the north there was nothing but bad kings. Right after the kingdom split the northern tribes set up some golden calves to worship so that the people did not have to go down to Jerusalem, which was in Judah, and worship at the Temple.

The worst king that ruled in Israel was Ahab. In 1 Kings 16 we are told that Ahab did more evil in the sight of God than all the Kings that came before him and he provoked God. He set up an alter to Ba'al and a built a "House of Ba'al" in his capital city. He was drawing the peoples hearts away from God toward Ba'al. How did he get there? He was married to Jezebel and she was the daughter of the Sidonian king. Jezebel was wicked. This marriage was a political marriage, but Ahab did what Jezebel wanted and encouraged the people to worship Ba'al and Ashtoreth. The Israelites had failed to drive out the Sidonians from the land (Judges 1:31). Ba'al was the god of storms, fertility, crops and rain. They also worshiped Molech. There is some belief that they might be the same god. Those that worshiped Ba'al and Molech would sacrifice their children as part of their worship. (Jeremiah 7:31,19:5, 32:35, Psalms 106:37-38) God had specifically forbid this type of worship. (Leviticus 18:21, 20:2-5, Deuteronomy 12:31, 18:10)The one true God needs to bring his people back on the right track and he is going to do this through discipline. The news of this discipline is going to come through Elijah a prophet. Elijah was an important prophet. Elijah never died. He was taken up in a whirlwind by a chariot of fire and never died. He was seen on the Mount of Transfiguration. Elijah was a big deal to the Jewish people. God does miraculous things through Elijah.

1 Kings 17:1 (ESV) "Now Elijah the Tishbite, of Tishbe in Gilead, said to Ahab, 'As the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, before whom I stand, there shall be neither dew nor rain these years, except by my word.'"

This is a pretty big statement. If they discover dew on the ground Elijah would be seen as a liar. Ba'al was the god of storms and crops so the one true God was disarming Ba'al. It should have been no problem for Ba'al if he had any power. God was showing the people that if they wanted to follow and worship Ba'al they were going to "reap what the sowed"

1 Kings 17:2-6 (ESV) "And the word of the LORD came to him: 'Depart from here and turn eastward and hide yourself by the brook Cherith, which is east of the Jordan. You shall drink from the brook, and I have commanded the ravens to feed you there.' So he went and did according to the word of the LORD. He went and lived by the brook Cherith that is east of the Jordan. And the ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning, and bread and meat in the evening, and he drank from the brook."

God pronounces his judgement and then sends him away. Maybe God is keeping him safe and God provides for him. God uses an unclean raven to provide food for Elijah.

1 Kings 17:7-16 (ESV) "And after a while the brook dried up, because there was no rain in the land. Then the word of the LORD came to him, 'Arise, go to Zarephath, which belongs to Sidon, and dwell there. Behold, I have commanded a widow there to feed you.' So he arose and went to Zarephath. And when he came to the gate of the city, behold, a widow was there gathering sticks. And he called to her and said, 'Bring me a little water in a vessel, that I may drink.' And as she was going to bring it, he called to her and said, 'Bring me a morsel of bread in your hand.' And she said, 'As the LORD your God lives, I have nothing baked, only a handful of flour in a jar and a little oil in a jug. And now I am gathering a couple of sticks that I may go in and prepare it for myself and my son, that we may eat it and die.' And Elijah said to her, 'Do not fear, go and do as you have said. But first make me a little cake of it and bring it to me, and afterward make something for yourself and your son. For thus says the LORD, the God of Israel, 'The jar of flour shall not be spent, and the jug of oil shall not be empty, until the day that the LORD sends rain upon the earth.' And she went and did as Elijah said. And she and he and her household ate for many days. The jar of flour was not spent, neither did the jug of oil become empty, according to the word of the LORD that he spoke by Elijah."

God sent Elijah into the land of Sidon...into the land of Ba'al to keep him from the children of Israel. The widow calls the Lord by name, "as the LORD your God lives". He is not her God. 

I. Submission to God is difficult

The trip from where Elijah had been staying was about 100 miles. No water and food.

The widow and her son were starving. She was preparing to make their last meal and a stranger appears asking for water and a cake of bread. She is a Sidonian and not Jewish. She did not worship God, but she knew him. She listened to Elijah and trusted him and his God.

Romans 12:1 (ESV) "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship."

Our submission to God is a sacrifice. It can be tough to submit to God. We are called to submit to God. Tithing is submission to God. Serving at Day Camp is submission to God and God can bless you through serving and submission. 

II. God Blesses Faithfulness 

Proverbs 3:5-6 (ESV) "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."

A lot of what God does in our lives does not make sense to us. If we are leaning on God's "understanding" it will not make sense to non Christians and will cause them to question what is different about you. Our life should shine in such a way that it looks different to the world around us. God blesses our faithfulness. Elijah and the widow were faithful in what God had called them to do. God continued to provide and bless them. This also happened to Daniel. Sometimes we receive clarity in our situations after we obey.

Romans 12:2 (ESV) "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

When we submit to God, he has a way of shaping and molding our minds and our understanding and gives us clarity and direction.

III. God always keeps his promises 

Proverbs 30:5 (ESV) "Every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him."

We have to put our trust in God. People will let you down, but God keeps his promises.

Romans 8:28 (ESV) "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

God cares for us and he is going work out all these things out for our good and his glory! There is some place in you life that you need to step out in faith more and trust and believe that God is going to bless us.

IV. God has a special heart for widows. 

Psalms 68:5, Deuteronomy 14:29, 24:19, James 1:27

God has special heart for widows, the hurting, those in, the orphans. God has a special heart for them and we should as well. We should live our lives in a way that reflects that we care for those.

God is in the middle of disciplining Israel and he sends Elijah all the way to this widow so that he can care for her and her son during this time. God can handle a lot at the same time. He is working everywhere in different ways, but always working.

1 Kings 17:17-24 (ESV) "After this the son of the woman, the mistress of the house became ill. And his illness was so severe that there was no breath left in him. And she said to Elijah, 'What have you against me, O man of God? You have come to me to bring my sin to remembrance and to cause the death of my son!' And he said to her, 'Give me your son.' And he took him from her arms and carried him up into the upper chamber where he lodged, and laid him on his own bed. And he cried to the LORD, 'O LORD my God, have you brought calamity even upon the widow with who I sojourn, by killing her son?' Then he stretched himself upon the child three times and cried to the LORD, 'O LORD my God, let this child's life come into him again.' And the LORD listened to the voice of Elijah. And the life of the child came into him again, and he revived. And Elijah took the child and brought him down from the upper chamber into the house and delivered him to his mother. And Elijah said, 'See, your son lives.' And the woman said to Elijah, 'Now I know that you are a man of God, and that the word of the LORD in your mouth is truth.'"

The widow realizes that the God that Elijah serves is over death. He is in control of death. She also makes a connection between sin and death. (Romans 6:23) There is a separation from God because of our sin. Elijah has great compassion for her. His heart is broken for her and calls out to the Lord on her behalf.

V. Make sure your compassion button isn't broken 

People can wear our compassion out...but we need to fight against hardening our hearts.

Matthew 9:36 (ESV) "When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."

Colossians 3:12 (ESV) "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,"

VI. Death is our greatest enemy 

This widow is asking why. We have all been there. We have all asked why. Death will come for us all unless the Lord comes back first.

This is the first resurrection that we see in the Bible. Why here in Ba'al territory. It happens to a forgotten widow. God did not resurrect David's son after his sin. David mourned before his son died, but then worshiped God after he had died. People did not understand. David said "the child cannot return to me, but I can go to the child." There was no precedent for resurrection at this time, but still Elijah asks God to "revive" the child. In Canaanite mythology Ba'al was regularly defeated by his archenemy Mot (death) then rescued by another god...like agriculture cycle, but powerless against it. But not our God! Our God lives and gives life! 

VII. Our God gives life

1 Thessalonians 4:13 (ESV) "But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope."

Matthew 15:28 (ESV) "Then Jesus answered her, 'O woman, great is your faith! Let it be don for you as you desire.' And her daughter was healed instantly."

John 11:25-26 (ESV) "Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?'"

Jesus raised the Canaanite woman's daughter, a widow's son, Jairus' daughter and Lazarus. We can see how some people thought he was Elijah. Eventually Jesus himself would defeat death and was resurrected, so that all that came to know him by faith would be made new, made right with God and also have eternal life through Him.

How to Hear from God

 Have you ever felt like God has been silent in your life? Have you ever felt spiritually dry and that God is far away? What do you do?

1.) Listen

1 Samuel 3 gives us an example of listening to God. Samuel was a young boy living in the temple and he heard someone call his name. He runs to Eli and Eli told him that he had not called for him. After a couple more times. Eli says to Samuel to the voice "Speak, LORD, for your servant hears." Presumably Samuel got still and quiet and listened. How often do you sit in silent and listen? 

a.) Take some time 

Psalm 42:1-2a  (ESV) "As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God,"

We desire that connection with God. Lord I want to hear from you. We should desire a connection with God.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 (ESV) "pray without ceasing,"

Pray, read the scriptures....pray through the scriptures.

b.) Get rid of distractions 

Matthew 6:6 (ESV) "But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you."

When it comes to God we must ACTIVELY listen. Be alone with God and hear from Him. If God spoke to you would you even hear Him? Is your life so loud that you cannot hear from God?

2.) Go where God speaks 

a.) Bible 

The authors of the books of the Bible were carried along by the Holy Spirit.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 (ESV) "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work."

God has spoken and it is recorded in the Bible you just have to read it. Pray while reading through the scriptures. The more that you read it you will learn from it. We need to allow the scriptures to sink into our hearts and let them change how we think. We need to STUDY the scriptures to hear from God. Write what you learn down that you can apply to your life.

b.) Go to Church 

Sing the songs, think about them and praise God. God can use preachers and Sunday school teachers to us. 

Psalm 122:1 (ESV) "I was glad when they said to me, 'Let us go to the house of the LORD!'"

Are you excited to go to church? Why would you not want to go gather with other believers. 

c.) Seek close fellowship with other believers 

Pray together, share and encourage one another. 1 Corinthians 12 tells us that we are the body of Christ. Independent members of Christ. Surround yourself with the body. Let them minister to you, let them be apart of your life.

3.) Unclog your heart 

Sin is the plaque that clogs our spiritual heart. It makes us weak and ineffective and hinders our prayers and our walk. It hinders our fellowship with other believers.

Isaiah 59:1-2 (ESV) "Behold, the LORD's hand is not shortened, that it cannot hear, but your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear."

Psalm 66:18 (ESV) "If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened."

Sin can harm our walk with the Lord. It can hinder our relationship with Him and hear from Him. We can cherish iniquity. An iniquity is more of an habitual act of rebellion, deep seated, premeditated, unrepentant. Iniquity can mess with us all. It can harm our relationship with God. An example of iniquity is what David did with Bathsheba and Uriah. That event set off a chain reaction in David's life that caused a lot of problems for him. 

a.) Confess to God 

Psalm 32:1-5 (ESV) "Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man against whom the LORD counts no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit. For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,' and you forgave the iniquity of my sin."

We cannot be comfortable with our sin in our lives. We cannot be pleased with it in our lives. We must confess to God.

1 John 1:9 (ESV) "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

When you confess to God, your are aligning your mind and your heart and your will to that of God's. You are saying to God that I know that these things are not right and I am aligning myself with You. I need help with that. God promises to forgive and to heal. We also should confess to each other so that you can have someone hold you accountable. Also if you have wronged someone we need to confess to them and ask forgiveness. 

James 5:16 (ESV) "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."

When you confess it is like you are accepting a plea deal. Taking the power of the enemy away from him. He cannot use it against you because you have already confessed it. We need accountability in our lives. 

b.) Repent 

You cannot just say you are sorry, you have to be repentant. You have to change your heart.

Matthew 5:29-30 (ESV) "If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell."

Jesus is showing us that sin is spiritually deadly. He is talking about the seriousness of sin. Whatever is causing you to stumble, remove it from your life. When we clean out our heart it becomes more sensitive to the things of God.

 If someone confesses to you their sin, then you need to look at your own heart and make sure that you are forgiving people. Unforgiveness can be a sin. Unforgiveness can clog up your heart. You should not hold on to a grudge. Nothing will tear apart a family more than unforgiveness. We have to learn to forgive one another. It sometimes can overflow into the church. 

4.) Be faithful in the little things

The parable of the talents... the servant that had been given 5 talents doubled it, the one that had 2 talents doubled it, and the one that had 1 talent buried it. When the master came back he rewarded the first two and took away from the third. When God gives you something to do, do it. Sometimes it is easy and sometimes it is difficult.

Matthew 25:23 (ESV) "His master said do him, 'Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.'"

Why should God give you more direction, why should God give you more closeness, when you won't take the step with the little things. Most of us know of something that God is calling you to do or repent of but you are refusing to do it. Why should God give us something else when we are not faithful with the little things. Most of us know what we should do and don't do it.

Your feelings can lead you astray. That church camp feeling. You come home and then you think "God left", but God never left. You stopped reading your bible, you stopped praying, you stopped praising God for hours a day.

Proverbs 16:9 (ESV) "The heart of a man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps."

If we are being faithful and honoring God, then He is directing us and handling things behind the scenes.

Closing Scripture:

Psalm 32: 8-11 (ESV) "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle, or it will not stay near you. May are the sorrows of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the LORD, and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!"