"Adult" = somewhere from late teens to midlife. (will be looking at Scriptural principles rather than explicit teachings) - Note: parenting is the hardest the 1st. 40 years.
Gen. 2:23-24
Part of your job = prepare your children for independence (to leave) "Leave" = God's plan, will, design
Problems often come when child exercises that independence! Especially when they choose a path contrary to your plans, wishes, values, hopes for them!!!
2 Tensions:
#1. they leave but are going in the wrong direction
#2. they won't leave!!! - "failure to launch"
So... parent begins to instruct (as a parent!)
Child chooses not to heed (as an adult!!) - parent still trying ot tell child. Child chooses not to listen.
So... what to do?
Suggestions are based on Biblical principles:
First: some "remembers" because this is not stuff we don't already know ... but is stuff we forget!
(1) Remember .... you raised them to be independent! (partly your fault)
(2) Remember... God has endowed them with free-will.
And equipped them with a capacity to decide!
(3) Remember... your role has changed - from controller TO advisor/support
But.... if headed to 'destruction'??
Answer = these are general guidelines. The specifics will vary.
(4) Unsolicited advise usually is seen as criticism.
So... (A) express your views, state your case
But (B) treat them as adult (not child)
(C) - don't make this the subject of every visit.
(5) Remember... you can't fix anybody.
And...
(6) God won't force anybody (He won't intrude)
So... leave the Holy Spirit to "convince"
Example: A prayer - based on 2 Cor. 4:4 - "Lord don't let satan blind their mind!" - Let them see the light.
(7) Remember ... Prov. 22:6 - is still generally true - however, not an absolute truth.
(8) and Rom. 8:28 still applies.
ie: a hard time CAN work to their good!!
Bad things are always bad, but God sometimes uses them to help get back on track.
For Illustration:
The Parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15)
The Father ... (1) let him go.... (with his inheritance)
(2) allowed him to fail
We assume the father (3) grieved at his going
(4) prayed for his return
the father (5) welcomed him back! without reservation and with rejoicing
This parable was used as an illustration of how a person walks away from God, blows it, God welcomes him back.
On one hand, this is not a text on parenting. However, has great parallels!!) God is a loving father to all people.
Re-do and old phrase for this application: instead of WWJD? Use WWG(F)D? (what would God the Father do?)
ie: with this child? in this situation?
ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS
-- Encourage -- but don't enable.
(sometimes helping hurts!!) - continued helping can destroy the development of responsibility.
-- Allow them to fail
Their experience probably more effective than your advice!!
-- Seek community - "you're not alone!!
Nearly ALL parents experience this to some degree!
Don't Burn your Bridges! At the end of life, the most important things = relationship with God and relationship with family.
Don't give up!!
Remember, there IS NO guarantee of success!!! There is NO absolute method!!
So... in the end it's
(1) Do your best!!
(2) Trust God - who loves your children - regardless of their path.
1 Tim. 2:3-4
2 Pet. 3:9
Final: Prov. 3:5-6 - Trust in the Lord.
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