Family Series - Dealing with Unmet Need of the Moment

 (credit given to Dr. Karl Elkins from video on biblicaltraining.org and Dr. David Ferguson of Intimate Life Ministries for much of this information)

Eph. 4:29 NASB - "Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but if there is any good word for edification according to the need of the moment, say that, so that it will give grace to those who hear."

Preparation:
Committing to communication
Establishing good will  ie:  both parties want to do this

Overview:
The God step - seeking God's help with this, submitting to God's will in this.

The Head step - trying to understand, comprehend this situation, this unmet need

The Heart Step - going beyond the intellect to emotions, feel my pain

The Hands Step - active, practical, Biblical response - (admit, confess, apologize, etc.)

THE TWELVE STEPS:

1.  Warm up - pray8ing together and committing:
      a.  To God's will
      b.  To one another
      c.  To resolution

2.  Speaking the truth in love:
     a.  Ask "In what way have I failed to meet your need in this?"
     b.  Answer:  "I felt my need for _________ was not met when you _______.  It would have
          meant a lot to me if you had shown a little more _________."

3.  Seek to understand
     a.  The offended myst attempt to explain precisely what the problem is
     b.  The offender must attempt to see and understand

4.  Clarify essentially a repeat/continuation of Step #3 in an effort to fully understand

5.  Validate the hurt:  "I see that I did hurt you in this situation."

6.  (attempt to) "feel the pain"

7.  Confession (admission)

8.  Apology

9.  Forgiveness

10.  Declaration of good intent - that is, intent to correct this behavior

11.  Question the resolution
       a.  "Have I fully addressed this?"
       b.  "Have I satisfied your mind?"
       c.  "Have we resolved this?"  If so than can move on.

12.  Reverse the hot seat - the offended now asks "Is there anything I did, or did not do, that influenced you to do that?" - talking about the same instance
If the answer is "yes..." then go back to step #2 but with reversed roles.

Suggestions:

1:  address one complaint at a time.

2.  Start with smaller issues

3.  Recognize this is difficult for both parties.

4.  Recognize that a good marriage thakes effort... and is worth the effort!

Touchstone verse:  Prov. 14:1