Family Series - UN-MET NEEDS

 Review of points in Family Series:

What your husband is such a clod.  Why your wife is such a nag.

#1.  He/she is human - Rom. 3:23  (seriously flawed)

#2.  He/she is a male/female human - totally different in every cell from each other

#3.  He/she is ignorant - unlearned, untrained, uneducated, not knowledgeable (doesn't mean stupid)

#4.  He/she is forgetful - training doesn't remove what come natural.  

#5.  He/she is confused - he = today = knight in shining armor, tomorrow/next week - Darth Vadar
                                      she = most precious/ important thing in life/ tomorrow/next week - ignored, overlooked, annoying.

#6.  He/she is HURT!! - starts as disappointments --> grow --> accumulate --> HURT 

Note:  we are looking at typical marriages.  Some marriages have issues that this study won't necessarily help.  Need to have two willing people.

Sometimes hurts = intentional.  But, usually = result of Steps 1 -5 above.
AND - typically "hurts" = result of UN-MET NEEDS in your spouse's life.

Process often is:  "you don't meet my need -- so I hurt you!  (ignore a need, refuse to meet a need) - which makes you angry and lash out.... which leads to more hurt, more refusal, more anger, more lashing out - results in downward spiral of relationship

So, today's focus and next week  = Recognizing and Meeting UN-MET NEEDS in your partner's life.  (is a human condition)
(Application goes beyond marriage, but marriage = the primary focus for now)

I.  We are created needy beings
Illustration:  Adam - Gen. 2:18
NOTE:  this = before the Fall and yet (1) Adam has a need!!    (ie:  a relational need!)

and (2)  that need requires something more than GOD!!  

Compare the "one anothers" in Scripture!!!
A)  Love One Another - John 13:43-35 - love is more than attitude, it is Action!!

      By this will all men know that you are Christians, when you.....

B)  Greet one another - Rom. 16:16 - (a) greet, emphasis on *b) holy

C)  Encourage on another - He. 3:13, 10:24-25 - definition:  courage, 

D)  Build up one another - Rom. 14:19, 1 Thess. 5:11, Eph. 4:29 - build up with words
Note:  most ppl. don't deliberately tear down, but don't deliberately build up either.

E)  Bear up one another - Gal. 6:2 = heavy burden, great load.  Vs. 5 - normal load, man's pack

F)  Bear with one another - Eph. 4:2  Col. 3:12-13 - ie:  be patient with

G)  Serve one anther - Gal. 5:13,  1 Pet. 4:10 - example:  John 13:14

H)  Admonish one another - Col. 3:16 - ie:  warn, advise, counsel, confront

I)  Confess your sins to one another - James 5:16 - not just wrongdoings, but shortcomings, faults, failures

J.  Forgive one anther - Eph. 4:32 - doesn't mean forget; means remember and love anyway!

K)  Pray for one another - James 5;16

Rom. 13:8 - no matter how much you give, this debt is never paid off.

All these are legitimate needs... to be met (satisfied) by other people!!   In other words, we are created with a God shaped hole in our heart; also with another person shaped hole! 
And when  this hole is not filled, leads to a lacking; a dis-satisfaction!!  maybe small --> annoyance.  Maybe large --> major dysfunction

Where is this going?
(1)  we have relational needs that can only be satisfied by people.  

II.  (2)  IF married, THEN spouse should be primary need meeter - the satisfier.the hole filler, the SOUL FILLER.

Summary so far:
(1)  your are created with relational needs (not necessarily the result of sin - though they are FED /enhanced by Sin)

(2)  IF married many of those needs should be met by your spouse (partner)

BUT:

III.  The Focus/Emphasis of Scripture is NOT getting your needs met.... Rather = meeting the needs of others (another!!) 

Examples:  Phil. 2:5-8 - Jesus had rights, BUT forfeited those rights to meet the needs of other.  (therefore exalted  by God!!)
Matt. 20:25-28 - servant, self-appointed slave
Luke 6:38
Heb. 13:16

Example:  Passage of Eph 5 - "husbands live; wives respect"
On one hand your have the right to receive from your spouse
However, the FOCUS = your Responsibility to meet (legitimate) needs of spouse!!
Emphasis on giving, not receiving.

(Qualifying note:  you can't totally give without receiving!   ex:  don't get fed = starve!
BUT in a normal, reasonable marriage ... the Scriptural focus is not getting your needs met!!  Rather = meeting the needs of your partner!!

Some observations/applications:

#1.  Your partner is a Needy Person (created that way!)
Granted, you are too!  But the focus here (and in scripture) is not on YOUR needs!!!  Always on meeting needs!

#2.  IF you're married, God expects you to be your partner's primary need meeter (soul filler)
On one hand not all your partner feels the need for = legitimate@@
But,  much of it is!!  And often - your job to meet those needs!

Eph:  4:29 - ONLY HELPFUL, BUILDING UP, ACCORDING TO NEED, BENEFIT

#3.  Being a Need-Meeter  (Soul Filler) is a tough job!! - requires commitment, discipline, patience, hard work, self-sacrifice, perseverance.  Is demanding and difficult!
This is NOT a one time decision!!  (example:  at the altar - marriage vows) = daily!!!
Luke 9:23

World says you are most blessed when are getting your needs met! 
But, Jesus says ...
#4.  You are most blessed when meeting the needs of others!  (or ...ANOTHER!)
Sure, doesn't always feel like it!! BUT...

When your become a blesser, need meeter, soul filler ...
(1) your spouse is blessed and (likely) becomes a better person  (therefore better partner!)

AND,
(2)  you are blessed ... and become a better person!  this = a WIN/WIN situation!!

#5.  This runs contrary to the thinking of THE WORLD!!  But Jesus says otherwise  (God/Scripture)

and so... You'll never know the truth and power of this unless and until you put it to a long term test.  (practice)