Monday, June 15, 2020

Marriage Maintenance

Within marriage .. as the New wears off ... can lead to on one hand - an increased level of "Comfortable" with one another
However, are new issues to contend with!!

(1)  Personal Preferences come to light.
If it's mustard vs. mayo = not a big deal.
BUT, night Vs morning person?  Spender vs. saver?  City living vs. country living?

(2)  Imperfections begin to surface.
examples:  snores, unorganized, slob!!!  procrastinate, domineering, etc.
These begin as annoyance but lead to offensive/disgusting

(3)  Responsibilities increase
ie:  bills, jobs, a business, a property?  KIDS!!!

(4)  Unintentional negligence often follows
too busy, etc.

(5)  slights, hurts, disappointments occur
AND accumulate!!!!  Leads to FESTER  which leads to anger/ bitter/ resentment which can lead to last out OR withdraw...!!!

POINT:  is not to paint bleak picture of marriage, but = reality check!!!
Marriage and Family in a Fallen World!!!

On one hand - Marriage = 1 man + 1 woman = 1 "flesh", couple, household, family beginning

However:  in light of Rom. 3:23 , Marriage = 1 (flawed) man + 1 (flawed) woman = 1 (flawed) couple/household, etc.

Every marriage (even a sold Christian marriage.... even  a solid, LONG TERM Christian marriage) needs attention, correction, repair!!!  (ie:  Maintenance)

It Could be argued ... the longer the marriage the greater the need for Marriage Maintenance!!
NOT to keep the marriage from falling apart,
BUT to keep it FRESH, joyous, satisfying, fulfilling, exciting!!

So... let's look at 3 simple needs to address concerning Marriage Maintenance.  (ie:  simple to comprehend!  Not necessarily simple to facilitate!!)

Marriage Maintenance needs include:
(1)  The need to  Examine the Relationship
To assess, be alert to deterioration, negligence, etc.
     (A)  Often don't see our Own dirt!!  and
     (B)  the damage is often Subtle.  Example:  termite damage vs tornado damage.  We are more subject to termite damage than tornado damage.  Song of Sol. 2:15

(2)  The need to Accept Responsibility
On one hand, you CAN'T fix your spouse  (therefore can't fix Marriage!)
However, you can accept responsibility for....:
      (A)  what you CAN fix
      (B)  What you Can IMPROVE - example:  Prov. 15:1
      (C)  what's your Fault!!!  example:  Gen. 3:8-13    (sounds like 21st. century America)

(3)  the need to Make Adjustments - 1 Cor. 11:31
which requires OPEN-NESS ... to  truth, common sense/ scripture, conscience, Holy Spirit
and .... Spouse's Criticisms!!!
Which .. on one hand, may not be right!!  However, certainly reveal an area of discontent!!

NOTE  These (1, 2, 3 above) = BASIC BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES!!!
Will apply to EVERY relationship!!
ie:  Should you...
     (1)  be alert to Sin?
     (2)  accept Responsibility?
     (3)  correct (repent) behavior?

POINT:  This is not Extra Biblical material.  This = BASIC Biblical material .... Applied to Marriage!!

A few more Basic Biblical Principles Applied to Marriage:

(1)  Praise and Affirmation - Rom. 13:7-8
Biblical term - "Edify" ... to Build up!!
Example:  Biblical parallel - Eph. 5:25-29

(2)  Apology - Matt. 5:23-24 - IF true of brothers/sisters in Christ, how much MORE of Spouse?

(3)  Forgiveness - Matt. 6:12-15
We all have need of affirmation, apology, forgiveness

You cannot build up by beating down!!  - by deprivation, withholding what's needed!  What's "due"!!

You cannot expect to gain what you need by withholding from spouse what he/she needs!!

Without ... affirmation, apology, forgiveness, you have Accumulated hurts, open wounds, withdrawal, lashing out, downward spiral!!!

(4)  Time together  "Exclusive intimacy"
Remember??  Marriage compared to Christ and the church?  Rev. 2:4-5 (church in Ephasus)
(Adam's "helpmate" was also his "playmate")

On one hand, I use and recommend Extra-Biblical material(s) for marriage and Family Studies.

BUT... those (Extra-Biblical) materials are BASED on (built on) BASIC BIBLE PRINCIPLES
which apply to all human relationships - are especially true of marital relationships

Matt:  7:24-27 - Jesus teaching about house on rock vs. house on sand.

Comparison:  Marriage on THE ROCK???
                     Marriage on the sand????

Closing Scripture:  Prov. 14:1


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