The Cycle of Love

 Marriage is so important! Strong marriages build strong families. Strong families build strong churches. Strong churches build strong communities. Strong communities build strong countries. Single people should be praying for their future spouses and marriages to be great.

I. Marriage is meant to be a gift!

A study done by the Institute for Family Studies at the Univ. of Chicago called the General Social Survey in 2022. It found that men and women who have a spouse and children report that they are very happy with their lives. Married adults scored 31% higher on standardized happiness scales than unmarried adults.

Genesis 2: 18-25 (ESV) "Then the LORD God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.' Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, 'This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed."

Out of all the things God created He knew that He need to create something special for Adam. So God created Eve out of Adam. Nothing in all creation is as wonderful as the marriage bond. There is a closeness that is not found in any other relationship. Eve was created to be a "helper" the word used is similar to the word to describe the Holy Spirit. Eve empowers Adam to do the work that God has called him to do. We as a church can't do the things that God has called us to do without the help of the Holy Spirit. 

II. God Loves Marriage 

How do we know? Because God ordained marriage He created the first one. The picture that God shows for the relationship of Christ with the church is a marriage relationship.

Ephesians 5:22-33 (ESV) "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

This scripture paints a picture of self sacrifice, sacrificial love and unending commitment. When God created everything it was perfect and good and then sin entered the world and messed everything up. Now we struggle with things. The design was perfect. Marriage is meant to be a testimony. A good marriage is a testament to the goodness of God and who He is. A good Christian marriage is a good evangelism tool. When people see genuine love they want to be apart of it and be around it. Marriage is not outdated. 

John 13:34-35 (ESV) "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples; if you have love for one another."

This verse is talking about Christians in general but it should be applied in our marriages.

III. The Enemy Will Attack Your Marriage 

Things that God has made and made good Satan loves to try to destroy. A law firm in California did a meta data analysis on things that destroy marriages. The list includes things that the Bible teaches us not to do like; alcohol abuse, drug use, promiscuity before marriage, cohabitation before marriage, and infidelity. These all raise the chances of divorce. Christian faith significantly effects your chances of divorce too. Christian faith have a lower divorce rate. Knowing Jesus, loving Jesus, growing in Jesus, growing together will benefit you marriage. You will be tempted to sin because you are a human being. Sin corrupts our mind and hurts our relationship with God and our other relationships including our marriages.

IV. You will be tempted to sin, cover it up, and continue in it.

Sin will slowly drive a wedge between you and God and your spouse.

James 4:1-2 (ESV) "What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask."

V. Confess & Repent 

James 5:16a (ESV) "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed..."

This is talking to the church generally, but can also apply to our marriages.

VI. Forgive each other

Ephesians 4:32 (ESV) "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

Nothing will separate a couple faster than not forgiving one another. Holding on to stuff from the past can be detrimental. It will take time and it will take God and the Holy Spirit coming along side of you to help you. Lean on one another and assure each other. 

VI. Set up Guardrails. 

1 Corinthians 10:13 (ESV) "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."

There is a way out if you are tempted! A good way to avoid sin is to stay away from it all together. Stay away from temptations. If something is causing you problems, get it out of your life.

VII. Homework 

The man takes care of the woman and her needs. The woman cares for the man and his needs. Back and forth building one another up. You out do one another honoring one another and loving one another. Then sin messes everything up and someone gets hurt and then decides not to build the other up and not meet the needs of the other. It is hard to love someone who is not loving you back. It is hard to meet someone else's needs when no one is meeting yours. At some point you will fall into a spiral of despair and what was meant to be a "Cycle of Love" turns into a spiral of despair.

5 Expectations for men and women (These are typical and may not be your expectations)

Women:

5. Family commitment. The woman wants the husband to spend time with the family.

4. Financial support. 

3. Honesty and openness

2. Intimate conversation...talk with one another

1. Affection (touch, gifts, words, gestures)

Men 

5. Admiration (appreciated, respected, supported)

4. Domestic support (well managed/supportive home) A place where they can come home and relax and not feel like they are fighting a battle.

3. Attractive for them. 

2. Recreational companionship. Have fun together. Find something that you can do together.

1. ;)

Go home and spend sometime with one another and make a list of expectations for you spouse and for yourself. Be kind to one another. Your marriage matters, take time to work on your marriage together. What touches your heart is not the same thing that touches your spouses heart. Talk to one another and PRAY together!

Buffaloes and Butterflies

 Buffaloes and Butterflies the 37th addition.... This topic began at a Mother's Day meal at the old Octavia School. The men at the event were outside while the women were in cooking the meal, serving the meal and cleaning up the meal...for MOTHER'S DAY! This is how it began, the next morning the sermon "Why your husband is such a clod" was delivered. The next week the sermon "Why your wife is such a nag" was heard. Out of that became the Marriage and Family Series. This series addresses normal everyday marital issues. 

I. Why your husband is such a clod 

    1. He's human 

Romans 3:23 (ESV) "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,"

Your husband is a seriously flawed individual....we all are!

    2. He's a MALE human

Genesis 1:27 (ESV) "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."

Every cell in the female human body is DIFFERENT from every cell in the male body. In the normal human body there are about 100 trillion body cells/171 billion brain cells. Every cell is different from the other sex. So he acts different, he thinks differently and communicates differently.

     3. He's ignorant 

He has no training or guidance about marriage. Where do you get marriage training? If you are ignorant about something and do not try to train yourself, that is stupid.

      4. He's forgetful 

Butterfly language, behavior, thinking and logic do not come natural to a Buffalo. He doesn't think like you ladies. 

       5. He's confused  

Butterfly logic does not make sense to him. Sometimes he knows what he has done wrong and sometimes he does not have a clue. Sometimes he hasn't done anything wrong he you are just having a bad day.

II. Why your wife is such a nag! 

Proverbs 27:15-16 (ESV) "A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one's right hand."

Proverbs 21: 19 (ESV) "It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman."

      1. She's human

Romans 3:23 (ESV) "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,"

She is a seriously flawed individual.

      2. She's a female human 

Same as above....

       3. She's ignorant

The difference here is that she is more likely to seek advice/counsel. Who teaches basic marital differences of men and women outside of Christian sources. 

      4. She's forgetful 

She may learn the basic care of a Buffalo, but it doesn't come natural. She may learn a lot and apply it.

      5. She's confused 

Buffalo thinking will never mak 

e sense to her. 

      6. Both are hurt! 

Buffaloes are notorious for hurting a Butterflies feelings, but nobody can hurt your buffalo like you can. Small wounds can heal, but hurts tend to accumulate especially if they are not dealt with. 

III. Solutions 

There is no complete list of solutions.

      1. Problem... humaness 

Humanity is not going away so the remedy is accepting Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit comes to live inside of you. When you accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior then your outlook changes, your attitude changes, your direction changes, your logic changes. If both people in the relationship have committed to Jesus Christ they are going to do well. When you accept Christ you get a new heart, a new mind, a new outlook, new rules...God's rules! Not the rules that your parents made up and handed down to you. It is not the rules that your friends made up...they are God's rules and He knows what He is talking about. He is the one who created marriage! When you get His rules down it is going to make a big difference. You also will have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. He convicts you...He convinces you where you are wrong or right.

     2. Problem...Male/female differences 

What is the answer to this problem? Accept it...it is never going away. God designed us to be different. The problem did not exist in Eden until sin entered the picture. The problem is not in the differences, the problem is the sinful selfish behavior that we all have. The differences are part of God's design. There is nothing wrong with that. It is a perfect design.

     3. Problem....ignorance 

The solution is education...not formal education. An education based on scripture.

1 Peter 3:7a (ESV) "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman..."

Accept that you are ignorant an d educate yourself... you cannot feed a buffalo butterfly food and you can not give a butterfly buffalo food. You have to recognize that you may have the same truth, but not expressing the same way.

      4. Problem....forgetfulness 

Answer...revisit and remind. This is why we continue this series. To remind ourselves that there are differences.

     5. Problem....confused 

There is no remedy for this. You just have to live with it. The differences are what the attraction is. Education and revisiting helps a lot with the confusion.

     6. Problem....accumulated hurts 

       a. Recognize your failures/shortcomings. We don't fix what isn't broke.

       b. Admit it...confess to yourself, to God and to your spouse. 

       c. Apologize...even if you are not sure why the action hurt. There is a tremendous healing power in a sincere apology.

        d, Forgive...let it go. Don't hold on to it! Failure to forgive hurts you, your spouse and your marriage relationship, it hurts your kids. If you want your kids to grow up in a healthy marital relationship then you have to model a healthy marital relationship. If you fail to forgive then kids think that is the way it ought to be. Kids tend to follow their parents behavior in the beginning of their relationships.

        e. Recommit...to your spouse, your marriage, to God's rules. There is only one person that you can fix in a relationship and that is you. You cannot fix your spouse.

        f. Be Reasonable...give up the notion of a perfect marriage.

        g. Work at it....for yourself, for your spouse, for your kids, for the community, for the sake of the Gospel! The world needs example of proper Christian marriage. It is hard work, but well worth the effort.

The touchstone verse for the Family Series is 

Proverbs 14:1 (ESV) "The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down."

This can be said about both men and women. Are we going to be wise men and women and build up our marriages or tear them down. 

Closing Scripture: Psalm 25:4-5 (ESV) "Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long."

Lessons from Elijah: Faith, Compassion, Hope

 There is a lot that we can take from the life and ministry of Elijah.

Background: We are past the time of the Judges and we are to the time of the Kings. We are about 60 years past when the kingdom was divided. After Solomon reigned the kingdom was divided north and south. The 10 northern tribes which were called Israel and the 2 southern tribes Benjamin and Judah, which were then called Judah. Judah had a few good kings and a few bad kings, but in the north there was nothing but bad kings. Right after the kingdom split the northern tribes set up some golden calves to worship so that the people did not have to go down to Jerusalem, which was in Judah, and worship at the Temple.

The worst king that ruled in Israel was Ahab. In 1 Kings 16 we are told that Ahab did more evil in the sight of God than all the Kings that came before him and he provoked God. He set up an alter to Ba'al and a built a "House of Ba'al" in his capital city. He was drawing the peoples hearts away from God toward Ba'al. How did he get there? He was married to Jezebel and she was the daughter of the Sidonian king. Jezebel was wicked. This marriage was a political marriage, but Ahab did what Jezebel wanted and encouraged the people to worship Ba'al and Ashtoreth. The Israelites had failed to drive out the Sidonians from the land (Judges 1:31). Ba'al was the god of storms, fertility, crops and rain. They also worshiped Molech. There is some belief that they might be the same god. Those that worshiped Ba'al and Molech would sacrifice their children as part of their worship. (Jeremiah 7:31,19:5, 32:35, Psalms 106:37-38) God had specifically forbid this type of worship. (Leviticus 18:21, 20:2-5, Deuteronomy 12:31, 18:10)The one true God needs to bring his people back on the right track and he is going to do this through discipline. The news of this discipline is going to come through Elijah a prophet. Elijah was an important prophet. Elijah never died. He was taken up in a whirlwind by a chariot of fire and never died. He was seen on the Mount of Transfiguration. Elijah was a big deal to the Jewish people. God does miraculous things through Elijah.

1 Kings 17:1 (ESV) "Now Elijah the Tishbite, of Tishbe in Gilead, said to Ahab, 'As the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, before whom I stand, there shall be neither dew nor rain these years, except by my word.'"

This is a pretty big statement. If they discover dew on the ground Elijah would be seen as a liar. Ba'al was the god of storms and crops so the one true God was disarming Ba'al. It should have been no problem for Ba'al if he had any power. God was showing the people that if they wanted to follow and worship Ba'al they were going to "reap what the sowed"

1 Kings 17:2-6 (ESV) "And the word of the LORD came to him: 'Depart from here and turn eastward and hide yourself by the brook Cherith, which is east of the Jordan. You shall drink from the brook, and I have commanded the ravens to feed you there.' So he went and did according to the word of the LORD. He went and lived by the brook Cherith that is east of the Jordan. And the ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning, and bread and meat in the evening, and he drank from the brook."

God pronounces his judgement and then sends him away. Maybe God is keeping him safe and God provides for him. God uses an unclean raven to provide food for Elijah.

1 Kings 17:7-16 (ESV) "And after a while the brook dried up, because there was no rain in the land. Then the word of the LORD came to him, 'Arise, go to Zarephath, which belongs to Sidon, and dwell there. Behold, I have commanded a widow there to feed you.' So he arose and went to Zarephath. And when he came to the gate of the city, behold, a widow was there gathering sticks. And he called to her and said, 'Bring me a little water in a vessel, that I may drink.' And as she was going to bring it, he called to her and said, 'Bring me a morsel of bread in your hand.' And she said, 'As the LORD your God lives, I have nothing baked, only a handful of flour in a jar and a little oil in a jug. And now I am gathering a couple of sticks that I may go in and prepare it for myself and my son, that we may eat it and die.' And Elijah said to her, 'Do not fear, go and do as you have said. But first make me a little cake of it and bring it to me, and afterward make something for yourself and your son. For thus says the LORD, the God of Israel, 'The jar of flour shall not be spent, and the jug of oil shall not be empty, until the day that the LORD sends rain upon the earth.' And she went and did as Elijah said. And she and he and her household ate for many days. The jar of flour was not spent, neither did the jug of oil become empty, according to the word of the LORD that he spoke by Elijah."

God sent Elijah into the land of Sidon...into the land of Ba'al to keep him from the children of Israel. The widow calls the Lord by name, "as the LORD your God lives". He is not her God. 

I. Submission to God is difficult

The trip from where Elijah had been staying was about 100 miles. No water and food.

The widow and her son were starving. She was preparing to make their last meal and a stranger appears asking for water and a cake of bread. She is a Sidonian and not Jewish. She did not worship God, but she knew him. She listened to Elijah and trusted him and his God.

Romans 12:1 (ESV) "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship."

Our submission to God is a sacrifice. It can be tough to submit to God. We are called to submit to God. Tithing is submission to God. Serving at Day Camp is submission to God and God can bless you through serving and submission. 

II. God Blesses Faithfulness 

Proverbs 3:5-6 (ESV) "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."

A lot of what God does in our lives does not make sense to us. If we are leaning on God's "understanding" it will not make sense to non Christians and will cause them to question what is different about you. Our life should shine in such a way that it looks different to the world around us. God blesses our faithfulness. Elijah and the widow were faithful in what God had called them to do. God continued to provide and bless them. This also happened to Daniel. Sometimes we receive clarity in our situations after we obey.

Romans 12:2 (ESV) "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

When we submit to God, he has a way of shaping and molding our minds and our understanding and gives us clarity and direction.

III. God always keeps his promises 

Proverbs 30:5 (ESV) "Every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him."

We have to put our trust in God. People will let you down, but God keeps his promises.

Romans 8:28 (ESV) "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

God cares for us and he is going work out all these things out for our good and his glory! There is some place in you life that you need to step out in faith more and trust and believe that God is going to bless us.

IV. God has a special heart for widows. 

Psalms 68:5, Deuteronomy 14:29, 24:19, James 1:27

God has special heart for widows, the hurting, those in, the orphans. God has a special heart for them and we should as well. We should live our lives in a way that reflects that we care for those.

God is in the middle of disciplining Israel and he sends Elijah all the way to this widow so that he can care for her and her son during this time. God can handle a lot at the same time. He is working everywhere in different ways, but always working.

1 Kings 17:17-24 (ESV) "After this the son of the woman, the mistress of the house became ill. And his illness was so severe that there was no breath left in him. And she said to Elijah, 'What have you against me, O man of God? You have come to me to bring my sin to remembrance and to cause the death of my son!' And he said to her, 'Give me your son.' And he took him from her arms and carried him up into the upper chamber where he lodged, and laid him on his own bed. And he cried to the LORD, 'O LORD my God, have you brought calamity even upon the widow with who I sojourn, by killing her son?' Then he stretched himself upon the child three times and cried to the LORD, 'O LORD my God, let this child's life come into him again.' And the LORD listened to the voice of Elijah. And the life of the child came into him again, and he revived. And Elijah took the child and brought him down from the upper chamber into the house and delivered him to his mother. And Elijah said, 'See, your son lives.' And the woman said to Elijah, 'Now I know that you are a man of God, and that the word of the LORD in your mouth is truth.'"

The widow realizes that the God that Elijah serves is over death. He is in control of death. She also makes a connection between sin and death. (Romans 6:23) There is a separation from God because of our sin. Elijah has great compassion for her. His heart is broken for her and calls out to the Lord on her behalf.

V. Make sure your compassion button isn't broken 

People can wear our compassion out...but we need to fight against hardening our hearts.

Matthew 9:36 (ESV) "When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."

Colossians 3:12 (ESV) "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,"

VI. Death is our greatest enemy 

This widow is asking why. We have all been there. We have all asked why. Death will come for us all unless the Lord comes back first.

This is the first resurrection that we see in the Bible. Why here in Ba'al territory. It happens to a forgotten widow. God did not resurrect David's son after his sin. David mourned before his son died, but then worshiped God after he had died. People did not understand. David said "the child cannot return to me, but I can go to the child." There was no precedent for resurrection at this time, but still Elijah asks God to "revive" the child. In Canaanite mythology Ba'al was regularly defeated by his archenemy Mot (death) then rescued by another god...like agriculture cycle, but powerless against it. But not our God! Our God lives and gives life! 

VII. Our God gives life

1 Thessalonians 4:13 (ESV) "But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope."

Matthew 15:28 (ESV) "Then Jesus answered her, 'O woman, great is your faith! Let it be don for you as you desire.' And her daughter was healed instantly."

John 11:25-26 (ESV) "Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?'"

Jesus raised the Canaanite woman's daughter, a widow's son, Jairus' daughter and Lazarus. We can see how some people thought he was Elijah. Eventually Jesus himself would defeat death and was resurrected, so that all that came to know him by faith would be made new, made right with God and also have eternal life through Him.