Dealing with Personal Baggage (in Marriage)

 2 Categories:  #1.  Problems caused by marriage  (two becoming one)
                       #2.  Problems brought INTO marriage - ie:  introduced, injected, INTO marriage but NOT caused by the Union.
(some problems may be acquired during the marriage but not caused by the marriage.)

ILLUSTRATION CLARIFICATION:

I)  PROBLEMS CREATED BY MARRIAGE - by the union. (marital developments, becoming issues)

housekeeping issues - the mating of a slob and a neat freak

financial issues - saver vs. spender

simple expectations/assumptions - leaves clothes on floor because "mama picked up after me!"  tends to spend money that is not there because "daddy always covered my overdraws".

Sexual intimacy - how much?  how often?  etc.

faith issues - which church, any church? how serious?  involved?

political views  (if not discussed before marriage!!)

in-laws - (how to honor parents while cleaving to spouse?)

holidays - spent where?  how celebrated?  now = 2 person decision!

vacation - spa?  backpacking in the high country?  Examples:  Dallas malls?    Deer camp season?

Weekend mornings - morning person vs. night owl.

Child discipline - how?  by whom?

TV?  chick flick?  or blow 'em up movie?

Thermostat???

dogs or cats?  - both?  none?  inside or outside?

These = caused BY the union and need to be addressed and worked out as a couple.  They were not issues Before marriage!

PROBLEMS BROUGHT INTO THE MARRIAGE
ie:  problems that already existed and were brought into the marriage;  Baggage issues.

touchy, over-sensitive, easily upset OR in-sensitive!
short fuse, hot temper, argumentative, quarrelsome, abusive.
Theses were problems before marriage, but being alone, not forced to face/deal with it.
mouthy, rude, impatient (even mean, cruel), demanding, unreasonable, pushy, inconsiderate, stubborn, unyielding, uncommunicative, uncompromising, unforgiving, un-confessing, ie;  never admit fault, sulky, whiny, victim complex, loser complex therefore never apologize

These = character flaws we bring INTO the union!! - Rom. 3:23

Stingy, greedy, uncaring, un-sharing, sullen, grumpy, always angry easily depressed (NOT clinical depression), moody, lazy, irresponsible, deceitful, untrustworthy (or un-trusting and suspicious!)
Perhaps something acquired during childhood, developed on your own.
abusive - verbally or otherwise, low self-esteem OR prideful, egotistical.

Above = character flaws.  

Maybe and addiction - alcohol, drugs, porn, gambling, shopping
(these may not have existed before marriage, but are Not a result OF the marriage.)  Are not caused by the marriage.
These  BAGGAGE ISSUES = brought into the marriage.

These are called "baggage" because you carry it with you (and also is burdensome)
"Personal" because belongs to you (as individual)
On one hand, may be a PROBLEM for spouse.....
However, is NOT spouse's problem!!  (Is YOURS!!)

Sometimes "emotional" because tends to unpack in Strong Feelings!!  ie:  emotionally expressed, not 'matter of fact', in difficulty

FOCUS TODAY = primarily marriage.
But.... the problem affects the entire home AND future generations!!

OBSERVATIONS ABOUT PERSONAL BAGGAGE 

#1.  What we call 'character flaws' the Bible calls SIN!!!
ie:  attitude, behavior contrary to God's will
     what = proper and acceptable = righteousness - right behavior
     what = improper and unacceptable = Sin - contrary to what God wills

#2.  Everybody brings some baggage into marriage   Rom. 3:23  - flawed individual with background in the world.
(note:  Baggage may be brought into marriage and/or acquired after marriage)

#3.  Having baggage is not necessarily sinful. 
examples:  POW, abused child
Rather = our response to that baggage that leads to sin.
On one hand, can't always hold individual responsible for having baggage. 
However, there comes a point where we are accountable to DEAL with it (properly)!!

#4.  Not dealing with personal baggage allows it to become deep-seated and hard to extract.
(Point:  deal with it sooner rather than later!!) 

#5.  The Biblical method of dealing with baggage is easy to understand.... but often = difficult to carry out!!
"The old man dies hard!"  - Rom. 7:18-24

So..... how to deal with it?  Whether "thrust upon you or 'acquired' due to sinful behavior ...
Answer =
#1.  Discover God's will for your behavior 
(What would God have you Do with this??)
Discovery requires ... Exposure to the Word...
  which is then  (1) Instructive - 2 Tim. 3:16-17
                       (2)  Effective  Heb. 4:12

Question:  How much time/effort do you give to knowing God's will for you??
Note:  part of His will = accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior!!
On one hand, His precepts work for all people!  However, they work best when you are "in Christ".
Comparison:  cut flowers with potted flowers with roots

#2.  Open your heart and mind to what the Word is saying.
(ie:  you WILL 'self to hear what the Word/Holy Spirit is saying) - ex.  Rev. 3:20
Expect internal warfare!!! (Rom. 7)
Expect Spiritual warfare!!  "when I would do good .... evil ... right there with me".  Satan doesn't want you to be a Godly person, have a Godly family, etc.

#3.  Admit to SPECIFIC character flaws (sins) revealed to you by the Holy Spirit. 
1 John 1:9 - "confess" = in Greek - homologeo     Homo (the same)   Logeo  (to speak) 
Confession is to say the same thing that God says.

Options:  (A)  what you think/ feel about this...
    vs.      (B)  what God says about it!!
It MAY be reasonable to have acquired that baggage... and therefore you feel justified in holding on to it.
BUT ... is it beneficial?  (to you, spouse, etc?)

#4. Repent - which = put feet to knowledge and DO what you should do.
Contrast:  stonewalling, blame transfer, victim complex, defeatism. 
Harboring, nurturing illicit feelings, justifying unrighteous behavior.

#5.  WORK AT IT  "the old man dies hard"
This = (A)  ONGOING EFFORT
          (B)  a JOINT EFFORT (you and God)  Phil. 2:12-13

NOTE:  Change not likely to happen in 1 day!!!
example:  how do you eat an egg?  - one bite at a time.
              how do you eat an elephant?  - one bite at a time --- will just take a lot longer = more bites!

NOTE:  Advances are not always permanent.  Don't expect too much too soon!!! 
Of yourself, of spouse.

Therefore:  (obviously) #6.  Continue to work at it.   Rom. 6:11-14  - 'let' = a choice
easy to comprehend, difficult to practice,  BUT WORTH the effort!!

John 8:31-32
free... FROM sinful baggage
free ... TO become man/woman/husband/wife He crafted you to be!!

Closing Scripture:  Prov. 14:1