Gen. 2:18-24 (ESV) "Then the L0RD God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him,' Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."
I We are created needy beings
For 6 days everything was good. Then God said that it was not good for man to be alone. Man was incomplete w/o a helper...a woman. This was before the fall. Some of our needs can only be met by another person.
II Some of our needs can only be met by people.
It is said that we have a "God shaped" hole in our heart that can only be filled by God. It can also me said that we have a "human sized" hole in our heart that can only be filled by a person. In the New Testament we find multiple "One Another's" mentioned. Love one another, greet one another, encourage one another, edify one another, bear with one another, serve one another, admonish one another, confess (your sins) to one another, forgive one another, pray for one another, be devoted to one another, honor one another (above yourself), prefer one another, live in harmony with one another, stop judging one another, accept one another, be kind to one another, be compassionate with one another.
Romans 13:8 (ESV) "Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law."
We have the need for reconciliation with God ("God shaped" hole) and also a need for relationships with others ("human shaped" hole).
This does not mean that you are incomplete if you do not marry. Even single people need people, need relationships. (Jesus/Paul)
This morning we will be focusing on the marriage relationship, but it parallels and applies with/to all human relationships. (parent/child, friends, neighbors, associates) We are also focusing on emotional and relational needs.
Relational and Emotional Needs
Companionship-friendship; not alone
Partnership-working together; a team of two
Affection-to be loved and shown that love
Acceptance-to be loved...just as I am
Appreciation-recognition of my efforts
Affirmation-(approval) a favorable opinion of me
Attention-taking note (notice) of my presence and opinions
Encouragement-to instill confidence, to motivate onward
Comfort-to ease pain, grief, distress
Respect-to honor; hold in high esteem, look up to
Support-help when needed; to bolster up
Security-freedom form fear of danger, harm; to be guarded, cared for
All this adds up to...
Significance-a sense of being important, valuable, lovable; knowing you matter
Peace-a sense of well-being; emotionally at ease; satisfied with the relationship
Love-agape, the way God loves
If your physical needs are being met, but your emotional needs it can be detrimental. It is important to have our emotional and relational needs met. We have a need to feel significant. We don't need it to survive, but need it to thrive.
III If you are married (or plan to be married) you are to be your spouse's NEED MEETER
You are their PRIMARY need meter. Needs can be met by other people, but the spouse is primary. (family, friends, associates)
IV The focus of scripture is NOT getting your needs met...but rather meeting the needs of others
Phil. 2:3-9 (ESV) "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name,"
Eph. 4:29 (NIV) "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
Romans 14:19 (NIV) "Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification."
If you meet the needs of others, but don't get your needs met you will starve. But scripture focuses on being a need meeter not a need getter. What is best is if both parties pursue this goal.
V Your needs wont always be the same as your partner's needs
Sometimes you give your partner what you are needing and not what they need. Sometimes there are gender differences...Butterflies and Buffalos . We sometimes give what we need. We have to take into consideration what your spouse needs. The point is to discover what your spouses' needs are and not just assume they are the same as yours.
VI Your partner's needs will change from time to time
We have to keep learning each other's needs due to changes in circumstances and daily events, aging. You can never stop learning/discovering.
VII Your partner will always have needs
Solutions
1.Communication - you have to talk (meaningful talk!), you have to listen (an attempt at understanding). When some one says they are fine.... F-freaked out, I-insecure, N-neurotic, E-emotional
Sometimes you will need to communicate your needs.
2. Establish "Good Will" You have to express that you want to make it work. Communicate love, desire, intentions...both verbally and actively
3.Commitment and Re-Commitment We easily become self satisfied, at ease and comfortable in our relationships. We assume all is well. We need to be intentional.
4. EFFORT It is not always easy
5. Continuity always be willing to get back on board. Don't quit!
Observations
1.You will never be a perfect need meeter because you are a sinner and fall short, but that doesn't mean you should not try, to keep pursuing, growing and improving.
2. Your spouse will never be a perfect need meeter There is a need for apology, forgiveness and moving forward
Eph. 5:25-29 (ESV) "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present, the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,"
Christ sacrificed himself for the church to IMPROVE the church. To sacrifice is to build up.
Ladies your husband is always going to be a clod! Not all the time or everyday, but a male human. But why settle for a simple clod when you have the power to develop him into an IMPROVED CLOD!
Men you are never going to have a perfect wife. But why settle for a plain Jane when you have the power to develop her into a MARVELOUS MARY!
It is within your power (as a couple) to spiral up or spiral down. It is a partnership it takes 2. But somebody has to start...and that somebody as you!
The touchstone verse for the Marriage and Family series is
Proverbs 14:1 (NIV) "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down."
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