Sunday, May 19, 2019

Family Series: Marital Problems

Example:  Song by the Dixie Cups - 1964 - "Going to the Chapel".
Song = feelings, dreams, hopes, Expectations!!

One one hand the head KNOWS better!
However, the heart won't believe it!!

What happens:  to feelings?  dreams?  Romance?? (ie: within marriage)

#1.  Life - jobs, bills, house to clean, yard to mow, kids, in laws activities, interruptions, illness, aging.....

#2.  Marriage .... the blending of 2 people, lives, souls... with different backgrounds, personalities, ideas, ideals, goals, methods, preferences...

In a Perfect World - would be NO PROBLEM!!!  But, this is NOT a Perfect World!  - fallen world, fallen people.

Hence, the "Buffaloes & Butterflies" series (started in 1989 - 30 years)
Which leads to "Why your hubby is such a clod" and "why your wife is such a witch".

Illustration:  couple at marriage conference several years ago - came up and said "Bro. Ed, my husband is not a clod."  Ed:  "how long have you been married?"  Answer:  "6 months".   3 years later - couple went through painful, horrible divorce with verbal & physical abuse leading up to it.

On one hand, this couple WAS headed into problems (Storms)

However, the outcome was Not pre-determined!!  It could have worked IF Both had learned a few things
and both had applied a few things.

Typically, a couple faces 2 types of problems within marriage:

#1.  Marital Problems - ie:  problems caused by the marriage, by blending 2 people, lives, souls

#2.  Personal Problems  (baggage) problems brought to the marriage.

Today will deal with (typical) marital problems - experienced by all couples!!
Will use the "Buffaloes & Butterflies" as illustration, outline.

Why your hubby is such a clod.....
1)  he's human - Rom. 3:23   Therefore (a) morally flawed and also b physically flawed!!
Example:  spouse that snores.

2)  he is male (female)  decidedly different!!!  - Gen. 1:27

3)  He is ignorant - ie:  unlearned, untrained, un-educated... IN  (a)  opposite sex  (b) marriage

4)  He's forgetful - what comes natural?  without thought?

5)  He's confused - because Buffalo/Butterfly language, logic, etiquette doesn't make sense!!

6)  He's hurt - hurts accumulate, lead to wounds to callouses and scars, and  behavior often = Response, result of that.

REPEAT all of the above with "Why wife is such a witch"!!!

Question:  Is there an Answer?  Remedy?  IF is spiraling downward, can we reverse?

(1)  Human-ness?    (a)  accept the physical flaws.  (b)  address the moral failures!!!  Rom. 6:11-14 (non-responsive to sin, dead to sin)
(Note:  this = SELF Adjustment NOT Spousal adjustment)

(2)  Differences?  Learn to:
(a)  accept the differences  (they are by design!)  Gen. 1:27
(b)  Appreciate the differences!!!
Can you do that!!  - (seems to work when making love!)

(3)  Ignorance?  Offset with education!!!  (books, CDs, DVDs, videos, etc. and communication!!!
ie:  Learn  (a) what spouse needs and craves
     Learn  (b)  to meet those needs!!  - 1 Pet. 3:7

(4)  forgetfulness?  Review to Remember!!
Re-visit, Re assess, Re learn, Re commit.....

(5)  Confusion?  Learn to live with it!!!

(6)  hurts?  (wounds?  scars?)
        (1)  establish good will
        (2)  adjust your behavior - determine NOT to hurt,  determine to Build up!!
        (3)  apologize
        (4)  Forgive
        (5)  Repeat

Relational Advice from Christ --- Rev. 2:5  (to the church at Ephesus)

Touchstone verse:  Prob. 14:1

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