Sunday, May 18, 2008

20 Stupid Thngs People Do - Part 1

Prov. 14:1 – “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”

This passage talking about home, family, relationships, not the building structure.

Note: #1. This list is not things stupid people do. (It is stupid things that smart people do!)

#2. the focus is primarily marriage, BUT it can apply elsewhere.

#3. This is not a comprehensive list! Many more things could be added.

10 Stupid Things People Do (in marriage)

#1. Climb into an unhealthy or improper relationship in the first place.

Example: 2 Cor. 6:14 – “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wikedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darknses?”

This is applies to more than just an unbeliever, but someone with a lot of past baggage, or someone who is an emotional wreck.

A Christian should choose a mate according to God’s Word and God’s wisdom.

#2. Assume romantic love will be enough.

Affection may be there but when problems and issues arise, there is:

A. an ignorance of how to deal with them, or

B. an unwillingness to do so.

There may be plenty of eros (passionate, romantic love)

But a lack of agape (committed, selfless, putting the other first love)

#3. Assume the Relationship will continue to blossom without attention.

Rev. 2:1-5 The church at Ephesus was doing a lot of good things, but they’d forgotten about their first love. It takes effort.

“leave, cleave, love, submit, respect” – these are all ACTION verbs!!! Which require – attention, effort, commitment, continuity,

Rev. 2:5 - ….remember…….& do!....”

#4. expect your marriage mate to make you happy. (or kids or family, etc.)

I Kings 11:3 - Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines. If a spouse is supposed to make you happy, he should have REALLY been happy. So, read Ecclesiastes where he said all was vanity.

A. Making you happy is NOT your spouse’s job.

B. It is beyond your spouse's ability.

“Happiness is a choice!”

#5. Expect marriage to cure/solve non-marital issues.

For example: if you are bi-polar before you get married, you will still be bi-polar after marriage. Or, depression, anxiety, bitterness, anger/envy, etc.

75% of divorced couples have at least 1 emotionally unhealthy person.

The marriage failure rate is: 40% for 1st. time marriage; 60% for 2nd. marriage, 75% for 3rd. marriage. Why? Because we tend to bring all our emotional baggage with us from relationship to relationship, and then add more each time.

#6. Assume you don’t have non-marital issues.

In other words, assume the problem with the relationship is your spouse!

Most problems are not caused by the relationship but surface in the relationship.

Example: If you have a cellar, and go down there some night, when you turn on the light switch you may see rats or roaches running for cover.

Did the light cause the rats or roaches? No, they were already there, the light just revealed them.

James 1:22-25 – God’s Word is like a mirror to show us what we are really like. James says not to look into it and then immediately turn away and forget what it said.

When you SEE the problem, then DEAL with the problem!!

#7. Assume you rspouse knows your needs, desires, expectations without being told.

We are self-centered, have gender differences, are forgetful, and Not clairvoyant!

A. We have to be told

B. We have to be told repeatedly.

#8. Assume your spouse is knowingly, intentionally, ignoring, depriving, denying you of those needs.

Sometimes that may be true, but most people are in the relationship because they want it to work.

A. Establish “good will” and “good intent”

B. Communicate….. regularly, intentionally…..

I Cor. 13:7 – “”Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

It “believes the best.”

#9. Communicate!! Ask, talk, listen, clarify, take seriously!! Do this in the good times! (Don’t wait until a fight)

#10. Try to make it without help. Prov. 12:1 - “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.”

You will call a mechanic if you have car trouble, a CPA if you have tax trouble, a cardiologist for heart trouble. But, we seem to think we can fix relationship problems on our own..

Get help from: spouse, friends, parents, counselors, “experts”

And especially from God – His Word, His Son, His Spirit.

Prov. 24:3 & 4 - “By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.” This is not talking about a physical house but a home and relationship.

Next Week – Part 2 – 10 More Stupid Things People Do

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