Sunday, May 26, 2013

The Care and Feeding of Your Buffalo/Butterfly

This we know!! - 1)  men and women are different ---- as butterflies and buffaloes
                             2)  because we are so different - their needs are different.  ie:  hay vs nectar

Early in relationship, this is Not much of a problem ---  both are sacrificial, compromising, satisfied with the euphoria of young love.

BUT, slowly, gradually -- each begins to feel deprived
Deprived leads to hungry, then to starved, then to suspicious, then to hurt/anger (or at least disappointment)
Often leads to .... withdrawal (or lash out) (less sacrifice, less giving, less compromise) which leads to greater deprivation, greater hunger.

So......  the Care and Feeding of your Buffalo/Butterfly
Question:  What exactly is it he/she needs??

Answer:  on one hand, quite simple -  Love and Respect
              on other hand, complex .... define that, describe that...  "help me understand my mate!!!"

Eph. 5:33 - "agape" - the love your wife needs
She needs .... to be your companion, your friend as well as your lover.  Your MATE -- not just your housemate, help mate, your playmate, but your SOUL MATE!!  It's all about the Relationship!!  Patrice calls it "soul-intimacy" - which is a very Biblical term/concept   Gen. 2:18, 24

Soulmate - life partner.
She wants to commune with you (which is more than communicate)
She wants to meld souls - share your life (not just physically and superficially, but inwardly - she wants to partner with you and be included in all your life, including thoughts, emotions, feelings, HEART!!

She wants  to know that the "leaving" has occurred and the "cleaving and becoming" is in progress.  Not just coincidentally, but intentionally!!  On purpose!!

She wants to be your confidant and friend and she wants to understand you and she wants to be understood!!

"Soul Intimacy" = sharing, baring your soul on a deep, intimate level - on purpose, without reservation, without resentment, AS you probably did when dating/courting!!
AND - she needs to feel this and needs You to MAKE her feel it.

This is why she needs your time, attention, consideration, your Best and first, not your leftovers!  This is why she talks, prys, pushes - she's trying to get into your soul!!

NOTE:  1)  God made her this way
Therefore:  2) It's a legitimate need and
                  3)  it's your job to meet that need.

He Needs:  - Respect  KJV - reverence = stand in awe of, revere.  Respect is equally hard to describe but
every man:

      1)  knows what it is, and
      2) desires it from his wife

Respect = to honor, admire, esteem, hold in high regard, to consider worthy of high regard

To Respect = to say I'm proud of you,  I admire you, I trust you, I have confidence in you - in your judgment, abilities, goodwill and intentions.
I appreciate your sacrifices, efforts, hard work, etc.

To Respect him is to affirm his position (in the marriage and in the home)
                           to acknowledge his masculinity and his manliness (manhood)

Opposite = contempt!!  disdain, to look down on, to have a low opinion of, to consider low, inferior, inept, inadequate!!

Respect/contempt are evident in words, tone of voice, actions, reactions

And he needs not only to know you respect him.  Also, needs to feel that respect.  As he did when you were dating, courting.

Her need is to feel loved.

The needs are God-given!!!  a)  not result of the fall  and b) not necessary to survive but to Thrive!!

The Feeling is logic resistant - not fixed with intelligence, knowledge, reason, facts

The Solution/ remedy = You!!!
On one hand, many places your wife can receive love.  However, marital love/ marital security come only spouse in marriage

So........ what to do????  Get the book "For Men Only" and read it!!!!

Ladies .... His need for Respect  

The need = God-given!!!  a) not because he's a fallen buffalo, but just because he's a buffalo!!
                                        b) not necessary to survive, but to thrive!! 

The Feeling is logic resistant (buffaloes feel pain, too)
If he feels disrespected.. he feels unloved!!!

The solution/remedy = you!!  IF he doesn't get respect from you, will eventually look elsewhere!!
examples:  buddies, bar scene, work, affair, porn, etc.

So.......... what to do???? - get the book "For Women Only" -and read it.

1)  Providing love and respect is a marital Responsibility!!        Eph. 5:33 = a command

2)  They are to be given unconditionally!

3)  To refuse to do so is disobedience to God.  - 1 Tim. 5:8   James 4:17

4) To refuse to do is is foolish.  Eph. 5:28-29

Prov. 14:1 ---------> Prov. 24:3-4

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