Family Series #4 - Love and Respect

Recap:  Basic Butterflies and Buffaloes - "why is my husband/wife such a clod/nag?"
Because:
#1  they are HUMAN
#2.  Are MALE human/FEMALE human - two entirely different types of beings.

One largely overlooked difference = need for Love and Respect
Eph. 5:21-33 = longest passage on marriage in scripture

Summary verse = Eph. 5:33

I.  He is to feed her ..... LOVE.  ie:  agape love (almost unique to New Testament) ... active, sacrificial, giving, valued, precious  (John 3:16)
NOTE:  1)  this is a command  (imperative) - Eph. 5:33  "must"
              2)  this is a need (she obviously needs it or God wouldn't command it)
              3)  this is a marital need  (ie: to be met, satisfied within marriage institution)
                   (a) not necessary to survive but to Thrive. 
                   (b)  if not done here, then perhaps ___________???
             4)  It is to be offered unconditionally ... ie:  regardless of her behavior
                                                                              regardless of his feelings

II.  She is to feed him ....RESPECT 
definition:  recognition, honor, appreciation, admiration, trust

NOTE:  (1) this is a command - Eph. 5:33
             (2)  this is a need (he needs it or God wouldn't command it)
             (3)  this is a marital need (to be satisfied within marriage relationship.
                   (a) not necessary to survive ... but to thrive!!
                   (b) if not met within marriage, then _____?

            (4)  it is to be offered unconditionally, ie:  regardless of his behavior
                                                                          regardless of her feelings
Comment:  novel idea for 21st. Century America!!!

Examples:
Ladies:  wanna be loved even when unlovable?  BUT won't give respect until it's earned!!'

What if he said "I respect you but don't love you anymore".
When you say "I still love you, but don't respect you anymore".
Needn't be words!!  Actions, tone, expression.

Courtship:  He treated her with time, attention, tenderness, affections, communication, praise service...
She treated his with admiration, appreciation, recognition, confidence and trust, looked up not down.

Then Marriage:  routine - granted - disappointments - slights - hurts - wounds - fester
AND NO LONGER FEED OUR LOVER:
                                                            1) what they desperately need
                                                            2)  what God clearly commands
So, she feels unloved and therefore withholds respect, and so he feels disrespected so he withholds love, and so on and so on downward.

Can we Reverse the cycle?  Rev. 2:4-5
Remember --- Repent ---- Do the Things You Did at First

You cannot hope to get what you need by withholding from your spouse what he/she needs.  (then did it unconsciously, NOW do it consciously .. on Purpose!!!)

GUYS:  #1.  She needs to be loved!  (unconditionally)
              #2.  She needs to feel loved (which means loved her in a way meaningful to her)
              #3.  This need is God-given.  (legitimate!  before the fall!)
              #4.  This is a marital need  (ie:  You are the solution, remedy)
    Eph. 5:33 (first part)

GALS:  #1.  He needs to be respected   (unconditionally)
              #2.  He needs to feel respected in a way that's meaningful to him.
              #3.  this need is God - given.  (legitimate!  before the fall!!)
               #4.  This is a marital need  (You = the solution, remedy)
     Eph. 5:33 (last part)

FOR BOTH!!  this is a Christian Obligation  - Eph. 5:21

Touchstone verse = Prov. 14:1