20 Stupid Thngs People Do - Part 2

Recap: #10 – Try to make it without help.
This can be due to ignorance – we don’t realize how much we need help.
Or, pride, or a combination of the two. Men are especially prone to this.

#11. Seek and Accept the Wrong Kind of Help.
Meaning: the help of someone who will affirm or agree with YOU! Instead get help from a neutral party who will challenge and correct and instruct.
Prov. 13:20 – He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.”

#12. Bottle Up Hurts and Disappointments
Some of these should be bottled up and discarded (grow up and bear up)
But, intimacy requires the opportunity to complain AND be heard.
Examples are the prophets and laments.
Both parties need permission and opportunity to complain, AND it needs to be done in good and calm times. During a big fight is NOT the time to complain and be heard.

#13. Fail to Apologize. Matt. 5:23 & 24 “….if you are offering your gift at the altar, and remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift…….. be reconciled to your brother,….” Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers”
If this is true of brothers and sisters in Christ, it is more so of your spouse, parent, son, daughter. There is great healing power in apology, and those who fail to do it, are hurting themselves as well as their family members.

#14. Fail to Forgive. Matt. 6:12-15 “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors…….if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
NOTE: A. “I forgive you, but you owe me” does not equal canceling the debt.
B. Holding a grudge is like taking poison hoping to hurt another person. Forgiveness means to relinquish the hurt or wrong and let it go.

#15. Retaliate. Eph. 5: 28 & 29 “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. …….. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church….”
When you hurt your spouse, you hurt yourself. It becomes a two-way retaliation and that equals a downward spiral of hurt and unforgiveness.
Prov. 14:1 “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears hers down.”

#16. Fail to Initiate. If you know your partner’s needs and refuse to step up and reach out and volunteer to meet them???? James 4:17 “Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.”
If you meet legitimate needs, it leads to developing the person, and both benefit.

#17. Seek to Satisfy Legitimate Needs in an Improper Manner.
Everyone has a God-shaped hole that is meant to be filled by a spouse. So, improper relationships and improper methods (alcohol, drugs, food, popularity, achievement) CANNOT fill a relational hole! It is meant to be filled by a spouse.

#18. Follow Feelings. Emotions and feelings are from God for good purpose.
But that purpose should not determine truth or dictate actions. (The struggle between know what’s right and feel like doing it.)
John 8:31 & 32 "....if you continue in my Word, .... you will know the truth and the truth will set you free."

#19. Repeat Mistakes. Prov. 26:11 “As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.”

#20. Separate Spiritual Truths from Practical Issues. Deut. 30”19 “…..I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life…..”
John 10:10 “I have come that they might have life, and ….more abundantly”
Spiritual truths when properly applied, will help develop mature, God-intended relationships.