Developing Godly Marital Character

Prov. 31:10-31
What a woman!  What man would not want a wife like that?

in Summary, she is:
(1)  trustworthy
(2)  a manager of the household
(3)  industrious; hard working and also "far-sighted" - ie:  looks to and plans for the future!
(4)  famly centered/oriented  (not egocentric!  selfish)
But also
(5)  compassionate and generous beyond her own family!
(6)  she is wise and instructive (without being bossy!!)  She not only has good character but is a builder of good character!
(7)  she fears the Lord (YHWH)
(8)  She may not be a fashion model BUT she is clearly a woman of beauty!!
(9)  her husband is praised PARTLY because of her! 
AND
(10)  she is praised for her character (who she is)   AND for her deeds  (what she does)

So, Prov. 31:31 - give her the reward she has earned!  And.. let her works bring her praise!  from men!

Question:  What if we re-wrote that passage for a man?  husband?  Might read something like this:

A man of noble character who can find?
His worth cannot be measured in dollars!

His wife has full confidence in him - therefore she lacks nothing of real value!
He brings her good all the days of his life... NOT just when they are young and newly wed.

He works hard; he works willingly;
He looks to the future, plans for the future, invests for the future.

He is compassionate and sensitive to the needs of people beyond his immediate famly.

His wife is respected PARTLY due to him; because he builds her up in the eyes of others.

He is (not just) knowledgeable but also WISE.  And is able to dispense that wisdom without being egotistical or overbearing. 

He is focused on his work and career BUT not to the point of neglecting his family... for they come first! 

His wife and children recognize they are blessed, and they praise him.

He may NOT be handsome!  But hi is a man to be admired and applauded!

He fears the Lord... and is to be praised. 
A man who fears the Lord is to be praised.

THEREFORE:
Give him what he deserves;  what he has earned... proper praise, rightful due,
And let his character (and) his deeds bring him praise.

Vs. 31 - "give him the reward he has earned .. and let his works bring him praise!"

On one hand, we know Prov. 31 is a valid description of "noble woman", therefore I suspect its  parallel is "noble man" - account is valid.

IF SO, what's at issue:
#1.  Character - (description of a person)
    which = (A)  who you are  (internal)
          and  (B) what you do (external) 
Is a combination of the two.  Can distinguish between these BUT really can't separate them!!

#2.  Godly Character - ie  the character God calls us to
Which = the character of God  (if he were a man!)
Examples:  Adam and Eve before the fall and Jesus - Word made flesh - what Christ would do if he were here now.

NOTE: 
1) these = character traits chosen by GOD, NOT Man!!

2)  These = character traits we are to pursue and develop!   - We aren't just born with all this.

3)  These character traits are not just to be pursued and developed AFTER marriage and within marriage ... but should be persued, developed BEFORE marriage!!!

Young people:  don't wait until marriage to develop Godly marital traits!!  START NOW!!

So....HOW to develop Godly Marital Character????

#1.  discover the goal - ie:  what God wants you to become, ie:  the character GOD calls you to (not self, world, friends, etc.) - as a person, partner, parent

Godly character = the character GOD would display IF He were a MAN!! 

Again: = these are NOT traits you admire, secretly choose ... But God calls us to.

So, goal = to be God-like in your marital role/ relationship!!
Objection:  that's an UN-OBTAINABLE goal!!"  - can't live up to this standard
BUT the inability to reach PERFECTION does NOT mean Can't IMPROVE!!

OBSERVATIONS

(1)  you never outgrow the need to improve!

(2)  you never outgrow the ability to improve!!  (unless mentally incapacitated)

(3)  the sooner you start, the farther you'll go.

(4)  a LATE start is better than NO start!!

 #2.  Understand the Process   "Sanctification" = the process of growing into/ becoming the person created/called/saved to be 

3 steps of sanctification:

(1)  Conviction - John 16:8
on one hand this = God's part.
However, are you open to His call?   Must listen to the Holy Spirit

(2)  Conversion - receive Christ, saved, Born again - 2 Cor. 5:17
"Holy spirit with you is now IN you" - John 14:17 

Now you begin the process of becoming:
(3)  Sanctification = the process of becoming.... 

3 Primary components of Sanctification  (becoming)
(1)  Submission - to God/Holy Spirit as He convicts/corrects, etc.
(2)  Education = learning  (a)  what you are to become  (b)  HOW to achieve it
(3)  Determination - because this is no walk in the park!

#3.  Be aware of and wary of your biggest enemy ( in this)
enemies = Satan, society, old friends, etc.  things that distract/ derail
But Biggest enemy = SELF  (old man dies hard!!)
check out Rom. 7:15-25

#4.  Discipline yourself  ie.  "DO what needs to be done!!
On one hand, God = faithful to His part in developing you  - Phil. 1:6
However, He'll not do it without your cooperation - 2 Pet. 1:3, 5-9
He will not change you when you are fighting Him every step of the way.

#5.  Be Consistent  does not mean never down, off, fail, "give up"
Rather = Always GET UP!!  "Perseverance"

#6.  Embrace Community - God's community = the church!!  Heb. 10:23-25
not a lot in the New Testament about Christians gathering together, because they naturally did that!

NOTE:
(1)  This is not about improving your spouse, but improving your SELF!

(2)  to this process (sanctification) your are CALLED

(3)  God will do His part... YOU must do YOURS!! 

(4)  When your commitment fails ... Re-commit!

(5)  THIS = God's plan!! It is NOT faulty.  In pursuing it,  you will be Blessed!

Closing Scripture:    Prov. 14:1

 

Fortify Your Marriage

 Marriage = designed by God as a gift

Now days, seen as outdated, unnecessary, restrictive.  But, NOT by God's standard.  

Was the first human institution.

Look at Paul's letter to the Ephesians.  Chapter 4.  Paul builds on Christian principles, marriage built on these principles.  

Eph. 4:17-24  - Ephesian Christians were surrounded by Pagan Temples, the goddess Artemis.  They were to be different.  Matt. 5:16 - a happy/loving marriage is a powerful witness - will be different.
Repent!  Saved by grace through faith.  Created in Christ Jesus for god works.

This is what it looks like:
Eph. 4:25 - members of one another.  Should be even more in marriage.  Mark 10:6-9 - physical, emotional, spiritual - God has a way of weaving together. 2 become 1.

Is meant to be good and a joy but can also become a burden.
Prov. 18:22 - vs. Prov. 27:15-16   Prov. 5:18 vs. Prov. 25:24 

Point #1:  Fortify your marriage with honesty.
Spouse should be no better friend.  Be honest about hopes, dreams, needs, desires, goals, hurts, failures, insecurities.  Can be tough to do, but is necessary.  How can we know if you don't tell us.

Point #2.  Protect your time.  ie:  no screens in the bedroom, go to bed together. 
Also, important in communication is listening.  - James 1:19
Listen:  ask questions about what spouse says.  Try to understand their perspective.  Try to be receptive and respond properly.
Challenge:  Make a covenant.  Have dates, use phones to stay in touch, help with making bed, etc.  Voice specifics.  Guard against going on autopilot when having a discussion.  Be attentive.  You are a team.  Should work together.
Eph. 5:28-29 - we tend to meet needs when needs are met.  can cycle up (meeting needs, getting needs met) or cycle down (not meeting needs, needs not met).

Eph. 4:26-27

Point #3.  Fortify your marriage with forgiveness.   Not to harbor anger toward others, especially Christians, three times as much toward spouse. 
Where does the anger come from?   Wrong doing.  Usually small stuff.  Usually = big habit, can be about recent stuff, ancient stuff, even pre-marriage stuff. 
Work toward reconciliation with remorse, repentance, FORGIVENESS.  We are to forgive as Christ forgave.

Failure to forgive = bitterness and contempt.  As for help.  Stop bringing it up.  1 Cor. 13:5, Eph. 4:31-32
Get your sins forgiven.  When we don't, Satan opposes us.  The longer we stew, the worse it gets.  "bigger the weed, harder to pull"

Eph. 4:29 - Words are powerful.

Point #4.  Fortify your marriage with constructive speech.  If it doesn't help, don't say it.
Corrupting speech like bad/rotten fruit - Luke 6:43    Putrid fish - Matt. 13:48   It is disgusting and makes things worse.
Corrupting vs. Constructing - talking behind back.  Rip vs. praise.  Gripe to kids vs. brag and stand with spouse.
A great gift for children is showing a loving mommy/daddy well.  Set the example.  Want them to want to marry person like mommy/daddy.

Challenge:  flirt with each other.  Go on a date.  You used to like each other. 
Healthy families start with healthy marriages.  Let's build those forever.

Closing scripture:  Eph. 5:22-23

What Makes a Godly Mom?

 Prov. 31:30 - a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. 
(side note:  if your mom is failing at some of these points, don't tease her.  Remember:  Matt. 7:2)

WHAT MAKES A GODLY MOM?

1)   She knows God!
John 14:6 - Eph. 2:8 - first and foremost need to put faith in Christ if haven't already done so.  Without God's love, cannot become a Godly mom.
Believers as well.  1 John 1:9  - be forgiven, don't carry burden of sin, are better with that weight off.  You can't run the race if are entangled in sin.

2)  She prays for her children 

Col. 1:9-12 - written to Christians in Colossae, but should serve as a model for us.  Who would not want to be doing this for our children.
1Thess. 5:17 - pray continually.  Example:  Hannah in OT, mother of Samuel, prayed with all her strength.  Priest thought she was drunk.

Example:  1 Sam. 1:8 - from buffaloes and butterflies messages:  Elkanah = clod, sinful male, is confused, hurt, doesn't understand "butterfly".
"She poured out her soul before the Lord" - do we do that?
Need to have knowledge, spiritual wisdom and understanding so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord.

3)  She teaches her children.  No one has the time, opportunity and obligation like you. 
Example:  Timothy - ordained by Paul, at least 5 New testament churches, went with Paul on a good portion of his missions, was with him in his imprisonment.  Was extraordinary.  Fox's Book of Martyrs states he died at Ephesus a the age of 80.  Killed by pagans that he offended with the message. 
Where did Timothy first learn the scriptures, about the faith. From his Mama and Grandma.
2 Tim. 1:5, 3:14-15 - where would we be if not for all this teaching and preaching.

Deut. 6:6-9 - teach children all the time.  in little conversations, moments, opportunities.  All this adds up.  Make the most of the time you have.  Basically, ALWAYS be teaching your children.  

4)  She models the faith for her children.
Titus 3:7-8
1 Cor. 11:1 - "follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ."  - Children learn more from what we do than what we say.  Back up your talk with your walk.  Kids take cues, imitate how you talk and treat their father, the church, church people - at home vs public, how you spend time, money, what shows and media do you watch, value, dress, social media.  They'll follow - work hard, serving at church, loving husband, showing mercy, sacrificing, staying on the right path.

Give mama a break.  It is Mother's Day after all.

How to honor Godly mothers?
1)  Have grace for her - Rom. 3:23, Eph. 4:32 - she has a tough job.  cut her some slack.

2)  Appreciate her.  Prov. 31:28-31 - thanks.  Good job.  Eat what's put on your plate.  Put up laundry,  don't roll eyes, help, pick up.  Give her a minute to read her Bible, pray, potty, give a card, do the dishes, take out trash, talk with her, eat dinner she prepares.  Look for ways to appreciate.

3)  Obey her.- Eph. 6:1-3

4)  Give her some time and attention

5)  Pray for her.

6)  Don't badmouth her.  - Psm. 19:14

7)  Don't be a dingus (doofus)  - Prov. 10:1 - fools break hearts so stop being fool!

Conclusion:

Mamas have an amazing calling, opportunity, and responsibility.  

Come to Jesus,, be set free, Love, experience, and give.  Can never show the love of God to your children if you have never received the love of God.

Once saved/changed, set free.... commit to pray, teaching, modeling.  No one can replace you. 
Got questions?  "What is a Godly mother?" = "A woman who represents the heart of Christ to her children."  - Is no greater responsibility.

Children of all ages.  Seek to honor your mom.  Today and everyday.  In so doing - will continue to build strong families.  Stand firm with joy and love and a good time.

Closing Scripture:  Prov. 23:23-25

Paul's Final Words to Ephesus Leaders

Intro:  Paul spent 3 yrs. @ Ephesus, leaves after a riot, travels  throughout the area (3rd missionary journey)
Decides NOT to return to Ephesus!  Goes instead to Miletus - 30 miles east of Ephesus. 

 Acts 20:16-21:1 - final words to leaders of church in Ephesus

Recap: 
1)  You know how I lived - during the 3 years - served with passion and humility.... in good times and bad!

2)  You know I preached the WHOLE Gospel, not just the comfortable parts (not easy believe-ism!)

3)  Now I go to Jerusalem ... compelled by the Holy Spirit, and NOT knowing what I'll encounter there.

4)  BUT ... I do  know ... the Holy Spirit warns me of hardships (on account of the Gospel) Wherever I go!!  (later ... from prison - 2 Tim. 3:12)

5)  Nevertheless, my mission (ministry, calling) is more important than my comfort, convenience, my safety!!

6)  I know I'll never see you again..... So here are final words of Encouragement and Instruction:

7)  KEEP WATCH!!  (A)  over yourselves (ie:  your spiritual life, condition, walk)  AND (B) over the flock - "that God has ENTRUSTED to your care".

AND
8)  BE SHEPHERDS!!!  (of God's flock, bought with Christ's blood).  Look after their well-being!  (feed/nurture/care for their needs)

Because
9)  I Know ... Savage Wolves Will Come!!  - false prophets, teachers, AND will arise (even) from within your own congregation!!

10)  They will distort the truth!  not with blatant lies, but doctrinal distortion;  twisting, reshaping, manipulating TRUTH!!

And:
11)  They will draw people after them!  Typical feature..... ie:  more about you follow me!  than follow Jesus. Example of contrast:  John the Baptist

12)  So... again... BE ON GUARD!  Watch out!  Pay attention!! 

and,
13)  Remember!!!  Don't forget!  don't become complacent concerning doctrinal truths! (I've warned you for 3 years!)  

14)  Now (in my absence) I commit you to God and His Word.  (you are now in His care, not mine!)

But
15)  God and His Word are able to:
       A)  build you up  (grow, edify)
       B)  secure your inheritance (eternal residence, rewards)

Add:
16)  You know..... how I worked...  (a)  at my ministry AND (b)  at my vocation

17)  I did this to demonstrate (model) how we should WORK!!!  to
      (a)  support ourselves  (b)  assist others  (as instructed by Jesus Himself!)

THEN Paul prayed with them, wept with them, entrusted them to God's care, "tore himself away", went on with his work, ministry, calling
WHICH = according to God's will, God's plan
NOT according to the will of Paul or Ephesians!!

This = a RICH Passage.  (is more than a historical record, includes Instructions)
IF 2 Tim. 3:16-17 is true, THEN surely we can find many truths and applications (within this passage) FOR you and ME!!

Paul said "you now how I lived"
#1)  It's important to SHARE your faith AND to MODEL your faith.  Ie:  your daily lifestyle matters and should be compatible with your profession of faith.

Paul said "I worked hard at both my ministry AND my vocation.
#2.  Your visible testimony includes how you do your job!!  ie:  your work effort/ ethic - (attitude/action)
Primary place of witness is in the workplace.

Paul said (paraphrase) - "I preached the Whole Gospel"
#3)  We should preach the whole Gospel!  ie:  Emphasize God's love, grace, compassion, etc. without omitting justice, wrath, punishment, separation

To reject God's Will, Word, SON (sacrifice) leaves one in Eternal Separation from God  (HELL) - we are not free to ignore the parts of the gospel story that we don't like!

Paul said "Keep Watch" ... over yourself and your (God's) Flock
#4.)  Your calling starts with guarding yourself  (spiritually)

#5.)  Your calling ALSO includes looking out for God's flock. 
IF you are a follower... THEN you are responsible for a portion of God's flock!!
So...  (1)  identify them
         (2)  care for them!  (nurture, look after, "shepherd" them
                         (a)  1 Pet. 5:13 - context, application
                         (b)  John 21 - "do you love ME?  (then) FEED MY SHEEP"

Paul said "Holy Spirit warns me of hardship wherever I minister"
BUT (paraphrase) "my ministry is more important than my safety"
#6.)  Ministry (shepherding) is not always convenient!!
    On one hand, sometimes is easy, natural, enjoyable
    However, OFTEN - HARD WORK!  physically and emotionally exhausting  (often VERY inconvenient!)

BUT
#7.)  To ALL of this you are called!!
ie:  to share your faith, to model your faith, preach WHOLE Gospel,, guard yourself, care for others, minister in good times and bad times, to follow God's word and Paul's example!!

To this ( and more) the Ephesian Elders were called, charged.  To this you are called, charged  (How are you doing?)

But add... #8)  For doing this... you will be rewarded, if you do your job.  1 Pet. 5:4

So.... are you doing this?  sharing your faith?  living your faith  ON the job?  faithfully shepherding those under your care?  ministering even when it's inconvenient?  difficult?  unpleasant? 

Do you need to make adjustments?  in Actions?  in Attitude?

Closing Scripture:  2 Tim. 6:11-14